The Life of the Band

Yay Me!!

2011-07-27T08:13:00.000-07:00

I am so proud of myself. I turned down a cupcake!! I didn't want to, but I know in order to stay on track I have to not indulge in my guilty pleasures....cupcakes, cakes and cookies.

I hope you guys have a good day. I have a lot going on right now, but definitely wanted to check in with ya.

Edited to say: Oh and I have had already today 8 glasses (64 oz.) of water. Another Yay Me!!

Back to Basics day 2

2011-07-15T07:48:00.000-07:00

I made a pact with myself that I would do better about posting. I think I will try to do one post a week. I love this forum because when I do post I stay somewhat on track when I don't....well you know. The only other thing is finding balance because when I start reading and posting I'm on here all day and posting multiple times a day.

Anyway, I started my food journal back up and took in 1780 calories and 92 oz of water or 11.5 glasses.

Happy Friday!!!

EatSmart & weigh in with their scales!!

2011-07-15T07:10:00.000-07:00

Good Day All (in the best British accent I can muster)!!

Kenlie over at All the Weigh is giving away a FABU prize check it out below!!

Minus the extra pair of feet of course.

Your weigh in is only as good as the scale (and of course your efforts) you step on. So head on over to Kenlie's spot and check her out.

Happy Friday and Good Luck!!

A little pain and Pouch Test?

2011-07-14T09:15:00.001-07:00

Another quick post.

I haven't started on my assignments yet, but I will get to them. At least I read the dang thang, along with some blogs.

Ok so lately I have been having a sort of nagging pain that comes and goes around my port site. Not sure what it is, but it happens at night mostly. When I lay on my stomach it starts, so I flip on my side or on my back and it stays. It's not excruciating pain, but pain nonetheless. I'm wondering should I go to my doctor and demand a flouro test. I so hate dealing with him. I am going to call and talk to his nurses whom I love. Any thoughts?

That brings me to this question. Do I need to do a pouch test? Does that have anything to do with the port pain? BTW, what the heck is a pouch test? I'm going to scourer the blogs to find out.

Hey out there!! Back to Basics!!

2011-07-14T06:45:00.000-07:00

Whew!!

Hey everybody!!

1st off Thanks to Stephanie for checking on me! I have been grinding hard with this school work. Quickly because I got two assignments and a project due I will rely on bullets to catch you up. Hopefully I won't be to long.

• As mentioned before I have been swamped with school and work. My life consists of work, school, eat and school....wash, rinse and repeat. I am able to go on Facebook because it is quick, but I haven't been reading any posts....I know bad blogger. I will do better, I think I can promise that. #fingerscrossed

• I have a date for my next surgery. As I mentioned before I am undergoing breast reconstruction so this is the next to the last one. They will put in the silicone implants. So I will have a new pair of bobbies. Yay!! The date is August 18th and it will be outpatient surgery. I won't have to stay in the hospital and will be off of work for a week (with drain tubes....ugggh!!). I scheduled it in between Summer classes and Fall classes. After recouperating I will head right into Fall classes....yeah I know...

• I have to get back to basics with this weight thing. I have a not so new revelation. School is stressful and I am a stress/emotional eater. No duh!! The point is I HAVE TO STOP THAT!!! Dang it when I'm working on papers late at night my stomach just gets to growling and carrot sticks just ain't (yep I said it) on my radar. I have got to do better. So today, I am going back to writing EVERYTHING down that I eat, and following a 1200-1500 calorie eating plan. Notice how I didn't say the "d" word.

• School is going great!! My hard work is definitely paying off even if it is showing on my waistline. I have so far an A average in my classes. I got an A in my 1st Summer session class that ended on the 1st of July and I have two more to go this term.

With that I hope everyone that follows me is doing well. I may try to read and comment a little, but forgive me if I don't get to everyone.

((((HUGGGS))))

The Skinny on my new BOOBIES

2011-06-03T07:33:00.000-07:00

Hey Everybody!!

First off thanks so much for all the cool and wonderful comments on my last post! I love a forum that supports all my madness ;-)

I'm in between studying (Summer classes started this past Tuesday) and thought because a few have asked, I would "try" to make a short post about my upcoming Breast Reconstruction Surgery.

Most of you may know that I am a breast cancer survivor. Back in May of 2009 I was diagnosed with a very rare form of breast cancer in stage II (only 0.05% of the women in the country have this kind). By my oncologist not knowing how to treat it, I underwent 3 months of chemotherapy, a bilateral mastectomy and radiation. In November of 2009 after having my breast removed, my ecstatic doctors informed me that the cancer was gone. I had to undergo radiation, but after that I would go through 3 more surgeries to get new breast. This will be my second surgery in where the doctors will put in silicone implants. I used to wear 50EE or 50F (they were probably Gs or Hs) bras so the option to downsize was an EASSSSSSSYYYY one!!

My next surgery is scheduled for some time in August. I'm opting for the 3rd week which will be the week of the 15th. This is excellent timing for me as I will be in between Summer semester classes (end August 8th) and my Fall classes (which start August 29th). My plastic surgeon says I will only need a week to recuperate as opposed to the 8 weeks I needed when I had the mastectomy and the 3 weeks for the breast extenders (plastic and metal skin stretchers). The last surgery will probably be either around Thanksgiving or during my Christmas break to attach new nipples. I know you are thinking "WTH!!!!", but yeah, when they removed my breast they took everything. I won't have any sensation in my nipples, but hey I will have the appearance of some ;-).

All and all I am one happy camper. I have learned that life is so fleeting and that happiness is where you make it. The cancer is one of the primary reasons I decided to get the band. Because the cancer I had was not related to estrogen, I had to be proactive about my health. When the media and health officials tell you that being obese can cause cancer or be linked somehow to it, BELIEVE THEM!! Now me being obese didn't cause it (it is genetic), but staying that way would actually feed the cancer cells and make it worse. I want to live, so although previously against WLS, I soon got on board when my life was brought into question.

Anyway, this post turned out longer than I wanted it to, (I didn't want to bore you) but I wanted to let you in on what is going on with me. Ok, off to have my employment evaluation (which will not result in a raise...the state doesn't give those) and finish working on my project for my class. I will try to do some more commenting on the blogs in between that.

Have a great weekend!!!!!!!!

Musings in bullet form

2011-06-02T09:40:00.000-07:00

Because I write this blog mainly for me (at least that's what I tell myself - see below) here goes another ramble/question in bullet form. I'll try to make it short.

• Do you ever wonder what it is you are doing wrong with regard to diet/weight loss? I know the answer, but hey I just had to ask. I know that people lose weight differently and at different speeds, but dang I so want to be at goal right now. If I didn't have that last cookie, maybe just maybe...

•Head Hunger is a biiiiiiioootttttchhhh!!! That's what I have been dealing with when it comes to those cookies ^^^. I wish somebody would tell me how to get over that hurdle.

• I'm back on Atkin's after diverting for a week or two. I picked up 5+ lbeees and wasn't at all happy. I have to be close to goal by August because I don't want my stomach being bigger than the new boobs I'm getting.

• Which brings me to this point. I think I'm more determined just because of the aforementioned statement.

• Have you ever wondered why when you send a friend request on a certain social networking site to a person, they don't accept, even though you thought you were cool elsewhere. #justasking

• I read a post the other day and the person said (paraphrasing) "it's not like anyone will comment anyway." I felt bad for this person, not just because they felt this way, but because I have sometimes felt this way before too. And if you admit it, you have too. We (some of us) often say that this blogging thing is "more for us" something like a journal, but if we are truthful we will admit that when we type a post that we think is prophetic, prolific or just down-right funny we would like at least one person to comment.

• What keeps me plugging along with this thing.....success stories (in no certain order) like Tessie Rose, Amy W., Stephanie, Catherine55, Grace, Lap Band Gal and the list goes on.

• This post in no way indicates that I am down on myself or in some self pity mode. On the contrary, I am quite happy today (and most days). These are just random ramblings I had in my head.

Focus or not to Focus

2011-05-26T06:59:00.000-07:00

Finally I got Blogger to act right. I had been having major problems.

So I haven't made a post with bullets in a minute. I guess today is the day for my randomness to kick in.

• It's amazing how we get off track with our food and become addicted. I read someone's post (don't remember who) about the brain of an addict and how our brains look the same whether we are addicted to drugs or food. It was an eye opener to say the least. I don't remember all the details, but it really gave a different perspective to how we "foodies" are so similar to folk who abuse harmful drugs.

• I am so off with my eating. If it was confession Wednesday, I would tell you that I ate about a half cup of Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup and 4 Cashew Sandies. Not good. Today I had a McDonald's hash brown and 1 of 2 sausage burritos. I just couldn't eat the other one. I'm not stuffed, but I am full.I actually stopped before my shoulder started hurting, meaning I stopped before I got stuffed and hurt myself. Trying to get better with that. My mind sometimes reverts back to when I was a kid and we were told that we had it better than the children in Ethiopia so we needed to eat all of our food. I never have understood how my eating all my food would help the starving children in Ethiopia, but oh well.

• Which brings me to this, I've heard people say that (paraphrasing) in order to lose weight and keep it off you have to not focus on food. Ok, because I'm have creative AND logical mind, how are you supposed to do that. I ask that because with the band in order to accomplish our goal and to lose weight we have to be meticulous about food. You have plan what you are going to eat and how much. Measure and weigh, portion control. You can't eat high fat food, fast food, fried food, et cetera, et cetera. My question is how do you NOT focus on food when you have to plan everything you put in your pie hole....ummmm pie, opps got off track for a second there. Where was I....oh, I find that I am constantly thinking about food. What I'm going to eat, how to prepare it, when I'm going to eat and how much of it I can or cannot eat. It can be a bit much at times. Being & getting fat was easy, losing it is hard as nails.

• My son is going to do a semester at the community college here in the city and then transfer back to TSU. I'm over my disappointment and know that he will succeed. I've learned that the only failure is not trying.

• I am so stoked about Chicago and the B.O.O.B.s trip!! I will confess that I'm a little nervous. I have been thinking about what to wear and checking the B.O.O.B.s blog to see if an agenda has been posted so I can plan around that. I tend to be a little OCD with trip planning. And seeing as since I haven't been on a real vaca in some time. The planning will go into overdrive.

• I am also (another confession) nervous about meeting all you wonderfully successful and gorgeous ladies. I feel like it's my first year in high school and thinking, will anyone talk to me. Will I be sitting by myself and just looking around. I have some wonderful roommates and know I will have fun with them, but I don't want to isolate myself and monopolize all their time. Funny thing is that folk who know me would say "Are you kidding me! Pam, you are the most outgoing chick we know!" I'm a friendly person and sometimes (no most times) go out of my way to make friends and be friendly. Ohhh well.

• Just random....why am I sitting here on Keelie's page listening to her music. Keelie is so motivating and has been so successful. She has such a great outlook. The first song that starts playing is "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus. Although I'm not a big fan, I love that song. It just puts you in the mood to know that you got to keep going. You've got to keep climbing towards your goal, whatever that may be. You can't stop and cry over the mountain that's in your way. Get up and wipe those tears, push, pull, climb your way up, past or around it.

Lastly I want to leave you with this:

Blogger acting up

2011-05-13T12:11:00.001-07:00

I can't see anyone's recent posts. I can click on them in the dashboard but it won't take me to the most recent posts.

I needed to be able to take my mind off of stuff, but oh well.

Have a great weekend everyone.

A little down

2011-05-13T12:00:00.000-07:00

Hey All,

It has been a minute since I last posted something. Weight loss is going ok. I ended the semester on a HUGE note, all A's, but my son on the other hand, officially is on suspension. I don't know what he did or better yet, didn't do while in Nashville, but I have seen his grades and they are not good at all. I don't know if it was him being away from home or what, but it took it's toll. I am not going to scream at him when I get home but we will be having a talk. I'm sure he will be sickened, but he has to take the blame for this one.

I'm disappointed because in this world with the the economic state as it is, he needs to have a skill set. He is so good with computers. I just don't know right now what to do. I guess I can't do anything, but let him bump his head a little. He has to find a job and we all know what the job market is like right now. I pray that he will be able to. Maybe this is something that needed to happen for him to see that he can't slack.

I'm feeling a little down right now. I'm proud of myself, but no one likes to see their child fail.

Just had to vent a little.

NSV!!

2011-04-26T11:11:00.000-07:00

I CAN CROSS MY LEGS!!!!

I don't know why I just sat here and decided to do it. I am working on an assignment and just up and crossed my legs and they stayed and didn't slip off from to much fat!

OMG!! I am exhausted, but that made my day. I spent all day at LeBonheur Children's Hospital with my niece who started having seizures and am just whipped. I have homework that I haven't done and am attempting it now, but I will get it done.

Checking In

2011-04-20T12:05:00.000-07:00

Hey everybody!!

The semester is winding down and I am so happy. I am loving school and to be honest getting these A's makes me feel like I'm smart, LOL. I finished my last paper in my Sociology class last week and the instructor has been on the ball because I was just checking and she has posted my grade already. Whooo-hooo!! I hope the semesters after this one are as great. I will have an A in all of my classes (3 of them) at the end.

Atkin's Update: I kinda slipped a bit when my mom went into the hospital to have surgery. I had packed my shakes and protein powder for added umph, but when it came time to eat, the hospital was severely lacking. My older sister and I went to Chik-fil-a and I got a grilled chicken salad, but dinner proved more difficult. It seems in Collierville, TN (which is where the hospital was) everything shuts down at 9 p.m. Boooo!! I thought I would be able to order from the Chinese place, but the nurse told me that they closed at 9 as well. It was 9:30....dangit! I ended up getting a pizza & some wings from Pizza Hut. I was sad. So I ended up eating carbs Thursday through Sunday. The good thing is that I didn't over do it. I gained 2lbees, but went right back to Atkin's on Monday. I haven't weighed myself since Saturday, so we will see when this Saturday comes how much I have lost. I finding this thing easier and easier as time goes on.

NSV: Folk have been telling me how great I look. My co-worker was all out cheering for me today and doing the "swim." I was laughing and posing. She says she can tell I am loosing and that the swimming is working. I have 2 more lessons left and then I will be on my own.

Anyway, not much to tell. My mom did wonderfully through the surgery so she is just healing. Thank you to all of you for your kind words and prayers on her behalf.

Another Lbee gone! & I forgot my freaking LUNCH!!

2011-04-13T06:34:00.000-07:00

I'm down another pound which puts me safely at 230 lbees!! *insert big smile here* 220s here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I forgot my lunch this morning. I was so busy packing my sneakers to go walking on my lunch with a colleague, as well as my backpack for my school stuff and changing purses, that I forgot my FREAKING LUNCH!! I am so mad at myself because it was a good lunch too :-(! I had packed a cup of that delicious Mock Potato soup (see recipe) topped with cheddar cheese and bacon bits. UGGGGGHHHHH!!!

This means I will have to go to the student union and get a salad. Their chicken is grilled but it is kin to cardboard. I chew and chew and chew. Thank God I have never PB'ed off of it cause it's just that tough. I think I might get tuna this time, if they haven't put anything in it, like sugar or something.

Anyway, enough of my moaning and groaning. Have a great day! Today is my Friday as I will be off tomorrow and Friday because of my mom's surgery.

Low Carb - Mock Potato Soup Recipe

2011-04-12T07:15:00.000-07:00

Amy over at Babbles of a Bandster posted a great recipe for a low carb Cream of Mushroom Soup so I wanted to follow suit and post a great recipe that I give 2 thumbs up.

MOCK POTATO SOUP
1 medium cauliflower, cut into small chunks, about 20 ounces after trimming
1 small onion, diced, 2 1/2 ounces
3 cups chicken broth (homemade recommended)
3 tablespoons butter
1/2 cup heavy cream
Salt and pepper, to taste
4 ounces cheddar cheese, shredded (pre-shredded not recommended)
3 pieces bacon, fried until crisp and crumbled, optional
2 green onions, chopped, optional
2 tablespoons fresh parsley, finely chopped

In a large dutch oven, bring the cauliflower, onion and broth to a boil. Cover and simmer until the cauliflower is very tender, about 20-25 minutes. Use a stick blender to puree the soup until completely smooth and thick. Add the butter and cream; mix well. Add salt and pepper to taste. Stir in the cheese; heat very slowly until melted. Garnish with bacon, green onion and parsley.

Makes about 6 cups or 6 big servings
Can be frozen without the toppings

Per Serving: 263 Calories; 22g Fat; 11g Protein; 7g Carbohydrate; 3g Dietary Fiber; 4g Net Carbs

This recipe is really good. I have some today and I'm loving it! For more of these wonderful recipes for those that are doing any low carb diet here is the website: Linda's Low Carb Menus & Recipes.

Enjoy!!

Yay Me!!

2011-04-11T08:01:00.000-07:00

I'm not a Charlie Sheen, but I love this saying.

I'm down 10.2 lbeees!! Down to 231. I'm almost in the 220s. Yay Me!! I am so happy. I just came back from my WL doctor (Dr. Woodman) and I have lost 10#s!! He was a little more polite than last month, well as polite as he can get. I just think this dude's personality cannot be salvaged. He is a piece of work. I didn't get a fill because he feels I'm in the green zone. I have to admit that I am staying full almost 4 hours on solid food, so I agreed that I didn't need one. I met a lady while there and she was getting an un-fill. Let me tell you that she looked miserable. That sealed it for me. When I first got there, I thought I would get a small fill, but shoot after looking at her, I'm like ....that's ok, I'll pass. She was behind me in line to see the doctor and was pacing. I felt so bad for her that I let her go before me.

I was the bigger person and thanked him for calling me on last month to check on me. My momma always told me to kill 'em with kindness. The nurses thanked me for the flowers and I am all smiles today. I got a paper to finish and another to start. My mom is having surgery on Thursday so I would definitely appreciate your prayers for her.

Happy Monday!

I'm doing it! I'm doing it!!

2011-04-05T07:09:00.001-07:00

I got on the scale and I am 4 lbees down!! I started Atkin's on Saturday and it did not disappoint. I had to change my multi-vitamin to a regular one because I was taking Flintstones, which has sugar in them, but I'm cool. I am so happy right now. I will tell you that my cravings for sweets have stopped.

I am shocked. I was eating cookies or some kind of cupcake everyday. I knew I needed to stop, but didn't know how. Until Amy W. talked about what she was doing. Thank you again Amy W. for all you advice, past, present and future!! One of my co-workers brought in some of these yesterday....

I haven't even touched them. Any other time I would have scarfed down a handful and went back for more today, but NOT I SAID THE CAT!!! I haven't had a one. I am so proud of myself.

My mood was a little down yesterday and I attribute only a small part to Atkin's. We had some terrible storms here and a huge tree from my neighbor yard fell across my yard. This was a scare for my family after having a tree fall on my house in '07. Plus, after hiring a new Executive Director in November (whom I liked a lot) they fired her before her 6 months probation and are going to hire this girl that I ABSOLUTELY can't stand, which is not normal for me cause I get alone with everybody 99% of the time. She works in our division and thinks she runs stuff; likes to give orders. I have been doing a lot of praying that I don't giver her a shock with my newly purchased stun gun ;-).....

Don't get nervous I wouldn't harm a soul, but she might get told though.

Happy Tuesday!!!!

Copying Amy W.

2011-03-31T06:57:00.000-07:00

Yep, I'm gonna do it. I was on the website half of a day yesterday printing out stuff. I am not going to buy the book unless someone suggests that it's needed. After Amy W.'s success, and others saying they probably will go for it, I decided why not. I will start on Saturday. I know that bucks the traditional start day of Sunday or Monday, but I have never been traditional ;-).

So you know I am taking swim lessons. They are going great. I normally take them on Tuesday and Thursday evenings, but this past Tuesday, my instructor had to cancel. So to not be outdone, I decided that I was going to get a "snatch my sexy back" aka workout, anyway that day. I went to a cycle class at the campus rec center and boy was it a workout. The guy that does the class is nice, not a tyrant. He is a former runner and a cyclist so he was coaching me, the newbie. I will tell you that I sweated some and had to stop at points because that little seat was hurting my butt. Ouch!! I decided that since it was just a 30 minute class I would do the abs class afterward. Let me tell you, I am sooooo paying for that today. My stomach is sore and tight (I guess that's a good thing). That class nearly killed me, but I persevered to the end though. The instructor (who was the same for both) told me he was proud of me. Most folk don't get through the cycle class the first time around. I want to try the kickboxing class next.

Can I just say that family wears on you. For those who are my Facebook friends you probably know that I stay upbeat and positive, at least I try too. The other day was a hard one. My younger sister had a miscarriage (she was 3 months) so I was up the night before half the night. I think I got about 4 hours of sleep. Not good. I feel for her, but honestly my sister is the LAST person that needs another child. Don't get me wrong I don't wish ill and I love my sister, but she is drama and not a good parent to the child she already has. It pulls on me because I always say I can't raise everyone's child. I was praying that God's will be done because I know what would ensue, if she had another baby. She has a 16 year old that is always in trouble and that she never pays attention too. Anyway, she is probably going to have a hysterectomy because she has two pretty big fibroids that are causing problems. Crazy part is that she could have had those fibroids removed years ago. I did (hysterectomy too) and I am great. I just had to vent for a moment. My family pulls on me a lot and I end up not getting sleep/rest and/or giving advice that is NEVER followed and they they come running back to me after the fact.

Ok, WOOSAH!!

Have a great day and it is Thankful Thursday as Cee-Jay has deemed it.

I'm Thankful!!

p.

Snatching My Sexy Back!!

2011-03-28T10:19:00.000-07:00

I have no excuse not to exercise after seeing this lady. The story is over after 5:26 mark, but if you want to watch the whole thing be my guest. Check out her body....sick!!

I read an article in Essence Magazine written by a Life Coach named Lisa Nichols and she said "My daily to-do list includes fun and entertaining tasks, such as "snatching my sexy back" rather than "working out." I have been using this and it is working for me. Our minds are quite complicated and sometimes we have to fool it into doing certain things. #justmyopinion

I'm down 4lbs and I'm happy. I hope to be down about 4 more by the time I go back to the doctor. It will be interesting to see him after our blow up earlier this month. I have been getting up at 5 a.m. to do my walking dvd and I have even incorporated jogging and jumping jacks in place of some of the moves. The jumping jacks are tough, but I get through it.

I hope you all have a wonderful week!!

Body Changes

2011-03-18T07:43:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday Everyone!!

I am taking a break from writing this sociology paper to post a couple of pics. The scale is finally moving again. I'm very happy about that. More importantly, I see changes in my body. Check out the pics below.

I took this today. The first is with the shirt loose and I must tell you this is a 2x. The second is with me gathering the shirt in the back (hence the one arm thing going on). I see the changes everyday when I shed my clothes. Especially in my stomach. I'm not there yet, but this gives me motivation to keep going. I did have some cookies yesterday, but overall my eating has been good. Haven't PB'd yet. I can stay full for about 3 hours or so and eat about a cup of food. Now when I go back to Dr. Woodman the question he will ask is if I allow myself could I eat more and the answer is yes, so I haven't hit my sweet spot yet, but I feel I'm very close. I don't want to go to the line though and start PBing. As you can tell I got a phobia with that one.

Anyway, Happy Friday!! Enjoy your Weekend!

A post just for me

2011-03-10T11:48:00.000-08:00

I am posting again mostly for myself so I can look back at this.

1st - I am full from a 1/2 cup of Cream of Mushroom & Chicken soup. After all that drama this morning. I am finally full from a little bit of food. HALLELUJAH!! Now whether this is my sweet spot, I have no clue, but I am going with it.

2nd - one of the nurses who assist my A$$ of a doctor during surgery also had the Gastric Bypass. She gave me a suggestion before I saw the doctor. She said: "do a crossword puzzle while eating. Find a word in between each bite. It will slow you down and you will get full." I told her I would try it with the Find-a-Word puzzle. I did and behold....I stop eating because I couldn't anymore. I felt myself sigh and know that is one of my signs. Just think that fool of a doctor threatened to not give me a fill.

3rd - I cried a bit more during and after my conversation with my friend Margie. Margie is only about 4 months out and is so smart. She can't stand the doctor that we have. She is forming a support group so that we can help each other because the one the bariatric clinic has is not engaging. There is always one person who hogs the sessions and no one gets to talk or ask questions.

4th - I am not defeated. I feel better and am so thankful for this forum. You ladies that have commented are so encouraging. I always see your progress and marvel at the inspiration. Thank you. If I name names, I may forget someone, but thank you.

♥♥♥
p.

UPDATE @8pm: I received a call on my cell phone this evening and you will never guess who it was from....Dr. Woodman - my bariatric doctor. He said he was calling to check on me and see how I was doing. Said he wanted to make sure I was okay. O_O

I am totally shocked. I sent his staff some flowers today and told them on the card that I appreciated them and thanks for being so encouraging. I guess he must have saw them.

Also, My dinner tonight consisted of Grilled Tilapia (on my George Foreman grill) and 1/2 cup of Tomato soup. OMG 1st, I have never had Tomato soup. It was so delicious! B (I just had a Amy W. moment, LOL), I am totally satisfied. I think I can make a go of this y'all. I did my Find-a-Word puzzle and feel great.

Angry Face!!

2011-03-10T06:43:00.001-08:00

Hey everyone!!
Just a quick update. School is going great. I have an A in all my classes. Swim classes are going well too.

I just came from my bariatric doctor, Dr. Woodman. Have I mentioned that he is an a total ASS!!! Sorry for the language but this morning. He took me there, I pride myself on trying to be as positive as I can. I don't need stress or negativity in my life. Well Woodman gave me a fill, but not before trying to give me a lecture about not complying with the rules. Well let me tell you that I didn't let him go there without me saying a few words. Long story short, he said he WASN'T going to give me a fill. I said fine then you are wasting my time and I am about to be late for work. I was just about to ask for my co-pay back when he recanted and said that he would, but then started in on me. He told me my attitude was the reason why I haven't been successful and I proceeded to tell him that his attitude is the real problem as well as his delivery. He ended up giving me a fill, but not before I think everybody in the office heard our argument. I told him he wasn't helping anyone one with his harsh delivery and that he never gives anyone praise even when they do well. He said he would if I was successful. Oh I let him have it.

It was not pretty y'all. Just to let you know I have only gained 1.6lbs in 4 months and he was b!tching about that. When he leave I did cry, but it was because I was so angry. He didn't want to hear, although he asked, that I was working full time, a single mother, back in school taking 9 credit hours and a caregiver for my mom. He told me that he has patients that work and go to school and that they have been successful. I told him I'm sure and that I applaud them, something he never does. When I got ready to leave his staff, who are so wonderful by the way, asked if he gave me a fill and if I was okay. I told them I was and that they were saints to put up with that fool.

When I got to work, I called a friend of mine who also had the surgery through him and she talked me down. She told me that he has no personality, he is rude and that he must be an unhappy man to say the things he does. That made me feel better in that I was able with her help to put things into perspective. I refuse to let him and his negativity take me there again. I don't have the money to switch doctors and to be honest I wouldn't let him drive me away because he doesn't have any sense. My friend did tell me that she found out that the doctor had gastric bypass, which I found shocking. He was once FAT....hmmmmmm! So he is flawed after all.

Anyway, I am looking forward to Chicago! I want to say thank you again to all of you who read my blog and to all who have either forged a path for me or are walking it with me. Thank you just for being you.

♥♥♥
p.

Quick Post

2011-02-24T08:57:00.000-08:00

Hey Everybody!!!

I just had to post quickly because I'm in the middle of studying for an exam. I am doing good and trying to kick the cookie habit. I think the spirit of Cookie Monster has taken over my body. I crave cookies. My co-worker slick sabotages me by bringing them in or someone else does. It is murder I tell ya!! Then I get home the other day and have a gift of freshly baked Oatmeal Raisin cookies. Ugggggh!!! WHYYYYYY!!! Anyway, I think I am battling it as best as I can.

I have though started taking swimming lessons. I never learned as a kid and decided that this would be a great form of exercise. My first lesson was this past Tuesday. I had so much fun. More fun that I thought I would. I learned to float, to kick and to blow bubbles and that's saying a lot for me because 1) I'm goofy, 2) as a child you could sprinkle water in my face and I would think I was drowning and 3) I almost drowned at 16 yrs. old. I have a private instructor at the rec center here at my job. She is mad cool and understands that it may take me a minute to get the hang of it. I'm taking them twice a week for six weeks. I hope to be a strong enough swimmer to do laps in the pool. Fingers crossed.

Anyway, I hope you all are doing well. Can't wait until September, but right now I need to get back to studying. Isn't it great to have a job where you can do what you want and still get paid for it.

BYOC - Getting back to Blogging

2011-02-11T12:16:00.000-08:00

1. What day of the week do you love and what day of the week do you hate?
I love Saturdays. That is my lazy day. I don't comb my hair and I just lay around the house. I don't care for Monday's at all.

2. What is your middle name and is there a meaning behind it?
My middle name is Elaine. It means LIGHT. Don't know why my mom picked, but I do know for a while during my childhood I struggled with it's spelling. I couldn't figure out if the i went before the a or not. I felt like a dunce.

3. Since Draz is dreaming of her next tattoo, do you have any tattoos? How many? If you don’t have one – what would you get if you did have one?
I don't have any tattoos, but I thought about getting one once, but decided against it.

4. On that same theme of dirty little secrets…how many piercings do you have? Any you wish you had?
I only have my ears pierced. I have never thought about getting pierced anywhere else cause I can't even imagine the pain. Especially folk who have their nether regions or nipples pierced....OUCH!!!

5. Repeat question: Summarize your life in blog land and in real life.

Blog Life has been off. Until Joey mentioned it I didn't realize that I would only blog when things are going good. I have to do better. I'm so glad that Stephanie contacted me on Facebook and let me know about BOOBS 2.0 cause I missed the first one, but I DO NOT plan on missing this one. I even have roommates, and I'm so excited!!!

Real Life is going good, I'm stressed, but it's a good stress. I'm in 3 classes and have good grades. I think that I'm obsessed with these classes. Things are getting interesting for one class as my professor is kinda nice looking and seemingly paying me some attention. Don't worry though I'm not going there cause to be honest I'm enjoying being single and I need to stay focused. I don't want to get all off gazing up into some dude's face when I should be studying.

Happy Friday!!!

All is Well

2011-02-10T05:48:00.000-08:00

Hey guys!!!

I have to do a quick post and say HEYYYYY!!!

I am in school taking 3 classes (9 hrs) and am LOVING IT!!! It is amazing and scary at the same time. I am always on pins and needles to do well and I am doing very well in my classes. A colleague was shocked when I told her I was taking 9 hrs. She couldn't believe I was doing that and working full-time. I guess I go hard in the paint ;-).

Weightloss is going. I am at a plateau, but at least I haven't gained. After I finish my protein shake I am going to exercise and then get ahead on some reading & classwork since I am snowed in. YAY!!

I have to say a BIG THANK YOU to Stephanie for alerting me to the BOOBS trip in September. On my way to the page now. Thanks again Step!!

Weird Shoulder Pain

2011-01-07T09:36:00.000-08:00

I just had to make a quick post and ask this question.

I have noticed that when I don't eat I have this nagging dull ache in my left shoulder. I sometimes don't pay attention to my body, but I noticed yesterday while I was waiting on my son that my shoulder was hurting. I knew I hadn't eaten since about 5 (2 cookies) and it was now about 9:30. We were going to dinner so I didn't want to eat something and not be able to enjoy. As soon as I began to eat the pain decreased and soon went away. Same thing happened just now. I am having lunch with a colleague down the hall, but it won't be until 12:30. I haven't eaten anything since my protein drink this morning about 7:30. I have had water, but the pain goes away after the water stops being satisfies my thirst. I popped open a 2 oz can of tuna and mixed it w/mayo and have some wheat thin crackers and pain goes away.

Has anyone else had this problem? I call it weird because the shoulder pain I have heard people speak of with regard to having a band is when they have eaten to much. Mine is just the opposite.

Weight Loss Tips and running around....WHOOOO-HOOOOOO IT'S FRIDAY

2011-01-07T07:00:00.000-08:00

Howdy Howdy!!!

Ok, I'm going to make a quick post, but had to stop in to say HEY *waving* to all my blog buddies out there. I gained only 1.5lbs over the holiday Whooo-hooo!! I celebrate because I thought it would be at least 10 they way I ate. I look back though and realize that I cooked my holiday fare with low fat substitutes. I hosted Christmas and New Years by the way. There were many dishes that I was afraid would pack on the pounds, but they didn't. I'm so happy.

Anywho, I ran across this article in fitbie that I adapted to fit my likes. I post it here in hopes that it will help someone else. Or read the article and adapt it to fit what you do. I didn't use every tip because a couple I do automatically, like the one about flax seed. I use fiber in all my dishes as well as protein. Check out below.

30 Second Weight Loss Tricks

1. When you get the urge to snack mindlessly give yourself a mini-manicure and pedicure. “Do a quick 30-second manicure in the evening,” says Dawn Jackson Blatner, RD, author of The Flexitarian Diet and spokesperson for the American Dietetic Association. “A coat of clear nail polish just makes it harder for you to stick your hand into a bag of chips.” By the time you are finished you may no longer want to snack.

2. Slice Your Food. Can good manners help you slim down? Exhibit A for why table manners ought to make a comeback: Cutting your food into smaller portions slows down your food intake, and it also visually tricks you to think that you’re eating more. Researchers from Japan’s National Food Research Institute found that people thought piles of sliced meats and veggies were 27 percent larger than when the food was kept in one piece. Satiety is affected by visual cues, so making your portions appear larger will help you feel satisfied with less.

3. Weigh Yourself Daily. Think you can guesstimate how well you’re losing weight? Study after study shows that regularly stepping on the scale can help you drop pounds. How much more weight? People who log weekly and daily weigh-ins lose about 12 to 18 pounds more than those who check less frequently, concludes a review study in the International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity.

4. Dress Down. Take advantage of Casual Friday. A University of Wisconsin, La Crosse study found that people who wear jeans to work take 491 more steps a day than those in business wear. How many calories could you burn if you walked for 30 minutes a day?

5. Brush Immediately After Dinner. Tap into years of Pavlovian training (watch videos of Pavlov’s theories), and brush your teeth soon after you’ve finished supper. Traditionally, brushing your teeth is a signal to stop eating, explains Blatner, so you’re primed to resist after-hours snacking. The essence of peppermint has been reported to suppress appetite, and cleaning your chompers with strong-tasting toothpaste may help distract your taste buds from craving another flavor.

6. Eat before you go to a party. This will cut down on overeating and eating fatting foods from the party table.

7. Rather than eyeball portions, place a measuring cup in your pantry so that you’ll know exactly how much you’re doling out, recommends Blatner. Keep a serving of cereal to one cup, a portion of dry macaroni to ¼ cup.

8. Reach for the phone, not the potato skins, the next time you’re feeling blue. Emotional eating can spiral out of control really fast, so instead of turning towards food for a pick-me-up, dial a friend to vent or schedule some Frisbee to blow off some steam.

9. LASTLY: MAKE A CHOICE…..You have the ability to make the choice to be who you are or want to be. If healthy is what you aspire after then choose healthy. It’s that simple. You make the choice to eat that extra cookie or piece of cake. You make the choice to hit the snooze button for that extra 15 minutes and not get up to exercise. You make the choice. So what will you choose??

Here is a recipe that I found in a group I'm in on Facebook. Enjoy and HAPPY NEW YEAR and NEW YOU!!!

Peanutty protein bars
by Fit on the Fly on Thursday, December 2, 2010 at 4:32pm
Tired of paying all outdoors for the equivalent of "Snickers on Steroids"...me too!! We hope you enjoy this recipe hand-tailored especially for YOU! XOXO

2 cups quick cooking oats
1 cup peanut flour, dry (such as Trader Joe's)
1 cup (4 scoops) vanilla protein powder
1 cup water
2 T. calorie free caramel dip (such as Walden Farms - I find mine at Market Basket)

Mix first 3 ingredients in mixing bowl and stir until well combined; Add water and stir until mixture is well combined; Stir in caramel dip; Pour mixture into a square pan, lined with wax paper; Freeze for one hour, cut into desired size, and wrap individually; Store in refrigerator.

Nutrition information:

Snack size (cut bars into 8 portions)
Calories:190
Fat: 4
Carbs: 19
Fiber: 4
Protein: 23
Sodium: 30
Sugar: 3

Meal-replacement size (cut bars into 6 portions)
Calories:235
Fat: 5
Carbs: 25
Fiber: 5
Protein: 30
Sodium: 40
Sugar: 3

MERRRRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

2010-12-23T06:24:00.001-08:00

I know it's been a while. I have been mad busy. No excuses for being a slack blogger, but hey it's all I got.

Before I get into all that has been going on I must first say a warm thank you to TessieRose. She gave me a holler on Facebook (it's easier to post little blips than to post a thought provoking blog and it takes less time too)to see if I was alright. I am so thankful for folk like Tessie thinking of me. I told her in a message that I was just thinking that no one would probably notice if I didn't blog. I guess I was wrong. I think we underestimate the value we have sometimes. I wasn't being down on myself it's just that I'm not superstar in the blog sphere like others. I will say that I don't underestimate the need to be here in this forum because as before I realize how much it helps to blog and keep a virtual diary of the successes as well as the slip ups. I will try not to stay away to long again. Thank you again TessieRose for thinking of me.

Ok it wouldn't be true to form or me unless I did this in scattered bullet points, so here goes.

•I will be starting classes Jan 13th. Yay me!!

•I have decided that after finishing up my bachelor degree, I am going to take some courses to become a Life Coach. This is something that I have been doing since I was 14, but never knew there was a name for it. I will then consider whether going for my Master's in Counseling will be best or not.

•My SUN is home!! YAY!!! He had a rough time this past semester and didn't do so hot in the grade department. I think he underestimated just how much time Marching Band and studying would pull on him. He told me (after he got home for Christmas break) that he almost went to the emergency room for exhaustion right before Thanksgiving. My heart started racing. What a thing to tell me AFTER THE FACT. I asked him why he didn't call me and he said with all the other things I was worrying about that he didn't want to add HIS health to it all. He had only slept 2 hours in a 78 hour span of time. Needless to say, I am asking him to set some priorities. Band isn't one of them in my opinion.

•I GOT MY HOUSE BACKKKKKKK!!!!! My baby sister and her 2.5 children finally got a place of their own. I love my family dearly, but my house is small so having two little ones underfoot all the time can wear on you. I had no privacy OR patience on many occasions. I was not only taking my niece & nephew to daycare, but taking my sister(who is pregnant again) to school and then I would get to work (late). I'm glad we don't clock in, but believe me my boss and the former Executive Director always made it a point to let me know I was late and that they didn't like it. Nevertheless, my sister and her children are happy and I am happy right now.

•Got a new person in the office who is an ANGEL!! I have been trying to train her as best I could with limited resources because the former Executive Director who left the position conveniently left no word on how to do her job. It has been stressful for me and the new person because she wants to do a good job. She wants to raise the morale around here and I for one am happy about that. We got together and threw a Christmas party for the division and everyone had a blast! SN: the former ED is still on contract and will be coming back in January to supposedly train the new person. I don't hold high hopes for her (new person) learning ANY-THING!!

•On the weight loss front, I have been eating like crap. I put on about 3 pounds but am confident I will loose it and more after the holidays. I'm not stressing over it because everyday someone brings in treats. It's hard as heck to resist, so I haven't.....*shrugs*. I bought the "400 Calorie Fix" by Liz Vaccariello cause it looked really good and so far so good. I just got it yesterday so I will let you know if it helps. I did copy Lap Band Gal and arranged a drawer with healthy stuff. I am still adding stuff, but here is a picture of it.

Ok that's enough of my rambling. I hope and pray that you all have a wonderfully blessed and memorable holiday season. May Christmas be filled with love, laughter and family and may the New Year bring new adventures and happiness your way.

MERRRRRRRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

WOW.....Really.....Seriously??

2010-11-22T07:42:00.000-08:00

The above is who my doctor acts like. I went in today for my appointment and was debating on a fill. I think I needed one, but at the same time really didn't want one. I will get to that in a minute. Dr. Woodman, has absolutely no bedside manner whatsoever. Not that I can't take anything this man can dish out, but he just trips me out really. Today my scale still read 237#. I was hoping to see Dory, his nurse but no cigar. I knew his scale would read differently. As in more than what mine says, differently. And boy did it ever. His scale read 241. That means I am 4 lbs down from the last visit in which I weighed 245 lbs. I told him what my scale says and not to disagree with his scale, but to say that I have some adjustments to make, he told me "it doesn't matter what your scale says, mine is the only one that matters." Wow, really? The doctor then tells me that none the scales out on the market are reliable for people over 200 lbs and I'm wasting my time and money. He then asks me what I have been doing in the last month and I told him truthfully that my exercising has been off because I had the flu and I have been eating more than a saucer full of food on occasion. You would think that he would say something like "well since you know what you are doing wrong then I'm sure you know how to fix it." Hey I could take that, but he tells me...."well I think you need to schedule a surgery to have the lap band removed because obviously you don't want to comply with the rules to lose the weight." He goes on to tell me that I still have 100 lbs to lose and whatnot and I just sit there and zone out. I tell him I don't think I want a fill and he tells me that if someone doesn't follow the rules that a fill won't help them. I again tell him I don't think I want one and he says well I think a little adjustment might help. Contradictory much....I hear him, but not really. I didn't fall into his negative trap though because all of a sudden he pays me a back end compliment and tells me, I have had some success in that I have lost 36 lbs (according to his scales - 41 lbs according to my own). He then gives me a fill and gives me a thumbs up after giving me a cup of water. On another note I knew he as an

when I signed up with him. So it's all relative. And for the record my goal weight is 160 lbs so I only have 77 lbs to lose or 81 by his scale.

I owned up to the fact that I have been off with my food intake. Fat grams (because he doesn't believe in counting calories) I believe I am good on, so I feel I need to kick up my exercise regimen and increase the water. Yesterday my nephew celebrated his 8th birthday and I went over to my sister's house with some of my other fam and had cake and a little Hawaiian Punch. I would normally not have had any, but my nephew really wanted me to have cake. He doesn't understand about dieting and losing weight so you know I couldn't explain the lap band to him. He kept saying "auntie are you gonna eat some cake with us?" How could I say no. This is the nephew that has Cerebral Palsy and uses a walker. My sister tells me all the time how he asks for me. So I couldn't let him down. Here are a couple of pics of him. He is such a sweetheart.

I'm a little bit afraid of Thanksgiving, but hey it is a holiday. That's the reason I didn't want a fill because truthfully I want to enjoy the meal. I know it's wrong, but shoot, it's Thanksgiving after all. Dr. Woodman gave me a fill and I think it was .5 ccs because he doesn't tell his patients how much he fills. I did ask Dory because I saw her afterward. I am doing a bladder study for her and getting paid $250 to do it, so she looked in the computer for me and said he hadn't put it in there yet. Doesn't matter right now because I will find out later. I did get paid $50 for the 1st study visit today and I have 4 more visits in which I will get paid $50 more each time.

I won't see the doctor again until Jan. 6th and I plan to be at least 10 lbs down. When I saw Dory I asked again about the 1-2 lbs a week and she said that's standard and good pace to lose weight. I won't go into the spill Dr. Woodman gave me about successful lap banders and how much they lose. Sometimes I wonder if this guy has all his screws tightened.

Anyway, Happy Monday!!!

frickanfrackanfrickfrackan!!!!!! Can someone help me find an old post????

2010-11-17T07:58:00.001-08:00

I need a bit of help y'all!! PLEASE!!

I'm looking for a post someone made a little while ago. In the post there was a picture of their desk drawer at work with good HEALTHY stuff in there. I don't know who posted it or exactly when but I know it couldn't have been over 3 months ago.

Can anybody help me???? Please. I am a certified copy cat, but long story short....I have a new storage cabinet right by my desk and I want to fill one of the drawers with healthy stuff to snack on in case I forget lunch or stuff like that. I found a list online and I have some thoughts, but just wanted to look at that post again. HELP!!!!

Please and thank you!!

UPDATE: Jen & Tessierose are my certified HEROINES!! They led me right to Lap Band Gal's post I'm doing my happy Snoopy dance right about.....now!!!!

230s!!

2010-11-11T11:45:00.000-08:00

I'm down to the 230s!!! Whoo hooo!! I now weigh 238. Yay me!! I'm sick with the flu & I'm sending this from my phone. Take care!!

It's Working - NSVs

2010-11-03T08:55:00.000-07:00

Hey all,

Just wanted to make a quick post to encourage some folk. For those out there that are feeling down and thinking the band may not be doing its job. Or for the ones that have been eating crappy and need a fill and need to climb back on the horse again. Or just for the ones out there who are just feeling down or ANXIOUS about anything. I want to let you know that you inspire me. Regardless to whether you are an old pro at this band thing, a novice at this band thing, haven't got this band thing yet or ain't gonna get this band thing....YOU KEEP ME GOING!! You keep me looking forward to what I will see the next day and the days to come in YOU and in MYSELF. Mary, Joey, Amy W., Draz, Mrs. Fatass, Ronke, Band Groupie, Tessie, Stephanie, J. Reid, ok I'm about to get myself in trouble naming names, but if I follow you, I'm speaking directly to you.

Know that I love you dearly in this virtual world and in the existing world. You have kept me going and going and going (even though I have been a crappy blogger in only reading and not commenting - ugggh work). I look forward to reading your journeys and hearing your comments on mine.

Here are are some NSVs for ya.
1.) I need to put another hole in my belt because it's a little loose.

2.) My oldest sister hadn't seen me in about 2 months and saw me and said "Wow, you are getting smaller." She also told my next to the youngest sister, that "Pam looks good." Yay!! It's the little things y'all.

I got a waistline y'all!!
My face is slimming.

Compared to this pic below taken in May:

Or this one in July:

My first 5K!!

2010-11-01T07:40:00.001-07:00

I did it!! I'm so proud of myself. On this past Saturday, I walked in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. It was cold as....let's just say it was COLD!!! 40 degrees. I had on 3 shirts and a jacket. I forgot my gloves and it took a long while to warm up. I was up at 5:45 a.m. getting ready. Now this was my first walk so I didn't know what to do or what to expect. I was alone and my friends were coming later. I walked up to the Survivor's tent to go in and this older lady told me I couldn't because I didn't have a survivor shirt on. She told me I needed to have proof of registration. I told her that they didn't tell me that in the email. And she told me "well you can't come in." She wasn't nice OR helpful at all. I was about to cry y'all. I really wanted to, then this so sweet young lady from Zeta Tau Alpha Fraternity (the national sponsors of the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure survivor program and who provided and served breakfast) stepped up and told me what all I needed to do. All I had to do was go over to the registration area and give my name and they would cross it off the list and give me my t-shirt. That other lady could have told me that. So I walked on over and got it, put it on and trotted right back over to the tent. I missed the survivor picture, but I didn't care because I felt like I was now being allowed to enter into this elite club (oxymoron much!)

To much to tell here, but hopefully you will enjoy the pictures. I've attached them on another page. Let me just say that I look like a potato cause I have on so many clothes, but I'm down 36lbs. and am weighing 242lbs. now. I'm so happy and the scale has been kind. Jiminy is doing his job, Whooo HOOOOO!!!

Heeeey!!!

2010-10-25T10:18:00.000-07:00

I have been working steadily for about two weeks now. Work just somehow started piling up. Amazing because it isn't my work, but I did agree to help. That's why I haven't been posting much. I've been logging onto Facebook, but for short spurts at a time. Nothing where I could sit and put up a blog about what is going on. So lets start with my faithful bullet points. Honestly that's the only way I can stay on track and make a little bit of sense.

• Weight loss - I had a fill today. I saw the nurse, Dori, today and I love, Love, LOVE her. I asked Dori, how much she put in my band and she sat and talked with me and told me I have 3.5ccs in it (today she put in 1cc). I didn't ask the doctor the last time I was there because he wouldn't tell anyway according to others I know who go to him. She told me that Dr. Woodman doesn't believe in telling his patients how much he puts in because he doesn't want them comparing, but that she didn't see any reason why I shouldn't know. I think I am very close to my sweet spot by the way. I thanked Dori and told her that I am very hands-on when it comes to my health care plus I do a blog and I wanted to put that in. We also talked about me being a BC survivor and told me about her cousin who just underwent a bilateral mastectomy and is about to go through chemo. I gave her info and she asked about my doctors. It seems her cousin and I have the same general surgeon. It was a good visit. Anyway, I am 6.6lbs down from the last visit. Not stellar, but hey I will take it. Which makes me a total of 33lbs. down. I weigh 245lbs. I haven't seen that number in quite some time. I must say I am quite pleased with myself. I love the way I feel and look. I will say though that I could have done better and will definitely be putting in 100%. I kinda slacked the week of my birthday and the week after and didn't exercise the way I should. I know that it will only get better. I did the 4 mile Superwalk yesterday with Leslie(Walk Away the Pounds DVD). It kicked my butt, but you know what kicked my butt even more.....the fact that I did 3 reps of squats after that along with back kicks (I don't know the technical name for it, but it's where you face the wall and kick your leg back; good for the butt). My thighs are so sore right now. Every time I go to sit down I feel it. You all just don't know how pleased I am because before the surgery, exercise was walking to my office building and back.

• Lifting Weights - so I talked with my physical therapist and she said I can lift no more than 10lbs. because of they lymphedema. She suggested I used firming bands, which I already do with the WATP DVD and cable cords. She also said I could do push ups. I don't want to have bat wings after this weight loss, plus I know building muscle will help with the weight loss.

• Breast Reconstruction - I saw my plastic surgeon today and he put some more fluid in my tissue expander. I will not be getting my permanent implants until next year. It was a bummer at first but when he explained why, I got it. Because I am loosing weight if I get the implants now they are going to be sagging and lopsided because of the fat loss. He would rather I waited until I was either at goal or very close to goal to have the surgery as to get the best look. Ok, so I'll wait. I'm the type of person who sets a schedule and lives by it. I don't like going off plan, but I do understand his reasonings and will comply. So this allows me look at my weight loss and plan around that. I won't bore you with the details, but if I can loose 10lbs a month, I will be down the remaining 70lbs. by May. I will be done with Spring classes and can afford to lay back for a minute until June Summer session starts up. That's my plan and I'm sticking with it. I did stop by A Fitting Place which is a bra place her in Memphis and got a great compression vest/bra. It will reduce the swelling so that my skin & tissue will be soft for surgery, but the greatest part about that besides it being free because my insurance pays 100%, is that I no longer have side boobs ;-). I am so happy to look and feel somewhat normal.

I won't make this to long a post, but know that I missed you guys. I logged in a couple of times, but because I couldn't dedicate the time I wanted to reading and commenting on the blogs, I just didn't at all. It was like something was missing from my life when I didn't connect with you all. I will have a computer at home in December when I get my longevity check. Now, I can get finish with this remaining crap on my desk.

Happy Monday!!

Birthday Bliss

2010-10-12T06:29:00.000-07:00

Happy Tuesday all!!

I am so worn out but happy as a lark. My birthday was Sunday and I took off Monday to go to various doctor's appointments, including getting a fill, but ended up canceling because I got the surprise of my life Sunday when my son came home for my birthday.

Quick story: I got up Sunday and gave thanks for not only living to see another year, but for also being cancer free for a year. So I celebrated two birthdays. I fixed myself a protein smoothie and excepted hugs from my niece and nephew for my birthday. My youngest sister was all the while pulling on their little jackets. I asked if she was taking them outside to play since it was nice out, although I thought is was kinda early. She just said no and kept doing what she was doing. My mom came out of her bedroom and had her keys in her hand. I thought she was going out to buy a Sunday paper as she does every Sunday. I shrugged and went back to my bedroom to watch the weekend edition of the morning news. Got a call from one of my BFFs singing happy birthday and we talked for about an hour. Got a text from my oldest sister and nephew wishing me a happy birthday so I called them. I soon noticed the house was quiet and thought my youngest sister most have went with my mom. I just assumed they probably went over to another one of my sister's house (there are 5 of us + 1 brother) to finish the supposed surprise party details. Soon I began to wonder where they were, so I texted my sister, but she never replied. I kept talking on the phone. About an hour later they walked in the house and into my bedroom bearing gifts and saying happy birthday. My sister then as she is walking out of my bedroom said oh we have one more gift for you. She exits and in walks my son!! I just started screaming and crying. You see I nor he thought he would be able to get home because he couldn't find a ride. I was even a littled ticked at a couple of his friends for not making room for him (another story). He decided late Saturday night to catch the Greyhound home to surprise me. I was definitely surprised. I just hugged, kissed and rocked him. It was like he had been gone years. I know it has only been two months, but because we are so close I miss him greatly everyday. Plus he has never missed one of my birthdays since he has been born. We laughed, talked and ate (far to much) as I welcomed another year. I put him back on the bus last night and he got back in Nashville around midnight. My year is complete.

I'm sleepy as heck because I stayed up awaiting his call to make sure he got into his dorm safely. There have been a series of robberies at his school and one boy got held up at gun point right on my son's dorm room floor. My son says it has to be somebody that lives there but they haven't been caught yet. My son stays aware of his surroundings, but I couldn't sleep until I knew he was safe in his room. He is and I can breathe.

WL note: I lost those 2lbs I gained. I'm down to 247 which is one pound down from where I was. I'm happy about that although I wonder did I undo all of that with my eating on Sunday. I don't think so because my sister cooked some great low cal/low fat stuff. My portion sizes I know were off though and I was able to eat it all which is why I think I will get that fill on the initial date scheduled which is October 25th. Hopefully I will be more than 8lbs down.

A ...GAIN!!

2010-10-07T08:15:00.000-07:00

So I knew it would happen so I didn't freak out when I saw that my devil of a scale was saying that I was 2lbs. up. Ugggh!! So that busts up my 240s and put me back at 250 even. That's ok cause I know what I need to do. I missed two days of exercising and kinda ate a little more than I should. I'm cool. I know this is part of the journey. My birthday is on Sunday so my family has planned a surprise for me. They are trying their best to include my new eating habits in the celebration. They ask could I eat pound cake. I told them yes. So instead of the big thick sweet frosted cake I am having pound cake with lite whipped cream and strawberries (my favorite). They know I don't like big frosted cakes anyway.

SN: I'm wondering should I purchase the Weight Watchers scale that I saw in the magazine. I read on another blog that someone got it. I wonder if it is worth the hype. Anybody got one and want to give a quick review? I just hate that my scale has a 2lb. difference from my doctor.

I think I will have to up my exercise because I have been getting in about 225 minutes (45 mins. 5 days a week) of exercise a week. I do the Leslie Sansone video and brisk walk 3 miles with a little jogging in between. I think I will have to add a day. I do however see the difference in my body. I now have a waistline and as my baby sister terms it a "booty", LOL!! I had to check myself out from the back. Shocker I tell ya!! Today I have on this suit jacket that I bought years ago and it is soooo big on me. I look like a kid playing in my momma's closet in this thing. I have to get a new suit jacket. I'm thinking of the cute ones that hit at the waist. This one is long and outdated style wise, but hey when you are limited on funds, something has to suffer.

Anyway, just wanted to check in with ya. I will come back with my ghost story. Stay tuned.

40's BABY!! and I got a question

2010-10-04T08:09:00.000-07:00

Ok so this is the WL post as opposed to the one on Thursday. ☺ boy would I love to be 80lbs down. But this post is to say that I am now in the 240s. YAY!!! I got on the scale this morning and I officially weigh 246lbs. WHOO-HOOO!! Now on my doctor's scale it would read 248 (because they just have to be difficult & be 2lbs more), but hey I'm in the 240's!! I am so happy.

I have been thinking a lot about restriction. When I got my first fill, my doctor told me if I didn't feel anything to come back in a week and get another one. I have been trying to track my satiety and this is what I get:

•When I drink a protein drink I get hungry 2 hours out. I mean stomach growling like a rabid wolf. I realize because its a liquid its going to go straight through. I'm ok with that because I'm trying to make sure I get my protein in.

•When I eat real food ex. 1 cup of oatmeal with truvia and golden raisins, I can finish only 3/4s of it and I am full for about 3 1/2 hours. I read a post on labbandtalk.com that the norm is 4 hours.

Which brings me to this question. Should I go get a fill? Yesterday for dinner I had a 1/2 cup of Progresso soup with some crackers and a salad (no meat). The salad was about a 1 cup & 1/2. I was full, but borderline stuffed. Not stuffed though. I could eat more if I let myself, but I don't want to stretch my band. Sometimes I wonder if this is to much (this refering to the soup & salad).

I have to say I'm scared of restriction. Does that make sense? I have heard stories about people not being able to swallow or eat because of to much fluid in the band. Also I feel silly typing this, but in a way I wonder will I be able to get all my nutrients in if I can't eat much. I am diligent with my vitamins and protein. I even found Biotin at Wal-Mart in 5000 mcg - 1 tab. Now I dont' have to take 5 tabs a day in 1000 mcg. I DO NOT want to loose any more hair. Shoot I just started getting this to grow back.

Help y'all!!

80s BABY!!!!

2010-09-30T10:34:00.001-07:00

That's 80 friends. I will soon get to the 80lbs. down, but give me a minute.

Hello to all my new and seasoned friends that seem to think I have something interesting to say. I ♥ you all. Thank you for keeping up with these crazy ramblings. I hope that you will let me know if I'm not following you so that I can do that ASAP. It's almost Friday and that means "IT's THE WEEEEEEEEEEEEEKEEEEEEENNNNNND BAAAAAAAAAABY!!!"

Hugging my BOOBS & A Song for You

2010-09-30T07:48:00.000-07:00

I have been reading posts for the last day or so about the return of people from the BOOBS event. It seems that some have met with a sort of postpartum/reflection. The trip no doubt was fun, but also brought out some hidden things that the ones affected were not prepared to deal with. For that I have a big ole HUG and say just breathe. I'm playing DJ today so this is for you.

Lady Lap Band is giving away something cool

2010-09-29T08:55:00.000-07:00

Hey all,

Just a short post to let you know that Lady Lap Band is giving a way this

Dang I would love to win this. Good luck all.

p.

Weight Loss, Jealousy & Going back to school

2010-09-28T06:22:00.000-07:00

Morning all *yawn*,

No I haven't awakened yet. I worked out and my muscles are sore. I did the full 3 mile workout with Leslie Sansone. For those of you who don't know her (I'm sure most of you do), she has a series of videos aptly titled "Walk Away the Pounds. She is wonderful. She gives you a full workout that it is not strenuous on your limbs, but gives you a good heart and deep muscle work out. I own this one:

It comes with a stretchy band for that part of the workout when the muscles are really engaged. Well I had a break through yesterday when I did the first session all the way through. That's 3 miles NON-STOP!! That's a feat for me as I had only gotten up to 2 miles and would stop. Before that I would do 1 mile probably twice a day. I am so proud of myself. I exercised for 45 minutes without taking a break. Even in Zumba I would have to take a breather. I'm happy to say I'm down 2lbs. since my last doctor visit and my goal is to lose another 8 to 10 before my next trip to Nashville to go to TSU's homecoming on November 6th. I can't wait to see my son's face when he sees the weight loss.

Next I must confess, I haven't been able to read the BOOBs updates because of overwhelming jealousy. Yes I admit it. I see it and it pains me to see that I missed all of that. I'm so happy you guys had fun, but I'm sad :-(. I saw someone post that they need a date for the next one because they don't plan on missing it. I agree. I refuse to miss the next BOOBs event. I know the powers that be that did all the planning need a long respite, and by all means do that, but when you get a breather, I need to know some plan details ;-). I will eventually catch up on the blogs, but until then know that I'm here and well.

The thing that has been keeping me most busy is that I made a big decision. I don't know if anyone remembers the job that I applied for that was formerly occupied by my ED (Executive Director) who left for Hawaii. Well they didn't even consider me for the job. It's ok because after much thought, counsel and meditation, I realized I wouldn't be happy in that job anyway. The person who left the job was part of the interviewing committee and somehow I knew that I had no chance. It wasn't negative thinking that x'ed me out it was realistic thinking. They wanted someone in the job that fit in the looks department. I fit neither of their criteria, although my job skills were impeccable. So I made the decision to go back to school and finish up my bachelor's degree. I plan to get it in Counseling/Social Work. I have many gifts and talents and this degree just hinges on one of them. I will soon after get my master's. I am looking forward to doing something for myself after all these years. I start in the Spring of '11 and plan to do an accelerated program. Since I work at a university, I can go free.

Hope you all have a wonderful day!!

B.O.O.B.s Questionaire

2010-09-22T07:11:00.000-07:00

Here is the Gillyified version of Drazil’s BYOC.

1) You’re trapped on a desert island and you can bring only 3 of your favourite foods along. What do you bring?

•Cheese
•Yogurt
•Lasagna

2) If you could meet any 3 people, living or dead, who would they be and why?

•Dr. Martin Luther King, I would like to know what he thinks of America today.
•President Obama, what his plan is to fix this country and how we can get the Republicans on board with this.
•Matt Lauer, cause I love to watch him on the Today show. I love the way he interviews.

3) What is your stripper name? (take the name of your first pet and the name of the street you grew up on)

JoJo Sax

4) How old were you when you lost your virginity? Alternative question if you don’t want to answer this: What is your LEAST favourite part of your bod since losing weight? Your MOST favourite since losing weight?

I'm going to answer both questions. I was 21 years old when I lost my virginity. My least favorite part of my bod right now is my hanging stomach. I haven't lost much, but I want it to go already. My favorite part right now is my sliming face.

5) Do you believe in ghosts or evil spirits? Would you be willing to spend a night alone in a house that is supposedly haunted?

I definitely believe in ghost, evil and good spirits. I love watching "Ghost Hunters." I have wanted to go on an adventure in a haunted house. I watch different ghost shows sometimes.

6) What is your natural hair colour? If you dye it something completely different from what your momma gave ya, how come?

Dark Brown is my natural color. I haven't dyed it a long while, but in November I hope to get it cut and dye it a dark caramel color.

7) Boxers or briefs? Alternatively…bikinis or granny panties?

For a guy definitely boxers for myself, Bikinis

8) If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be and why? (Trilogies do not count as one movie, cheaterpantses!)

Dang it I was going to say either the Harry Potter movies or Chronicles of Narnia series, but since they don't count....The Wizard of Oz.

9) What is your guilty pleasure (feel free to go straight to the gutter with this one if the spirit moves you!)

LOL, I really don't have one. I have this thing about having an addictive personality so I don't let myself get to engrossed in anything for long. I watch a little reality tv, but won't let myself be a slave to it. There is not one show that I watch religiously. I don't know I might have to check myself on that one to see if I'm fibbing or not.

10) How many pounds gone forever are you celebrating?? :)

25lbs. gone FOREVER!!!!! Celebrate good times, come on!!!!!

1st Fill - Eazy Peazzy & Thank you Grace!!

2010-09-20T08:38:00.000-07:00

I got my first fill today. After invisioning pain and the doctor being an a-hole, I got the biggest surprise of the day. Not only did the needle stick not hurt, but the doctor actually was cordial today. There are no words to describe him, but he was cordial today. I'm down 17.4lbs. since the surgery and a total of 25.4lbs. overall. I am very happy with that. I have a 10cc band, but I have no clue how much fluid the doctor put in because he was quick and I was to busy asking questions. I called the office back to ask, but they said that he is not aggressive with fills and put very little in. I am to do liquids today and mushies for the next two days.

When I called back I talked with the office manager Bonnie (whom I just LOVE) and she advised me to not mix my protein with juice. Even low calorie/no fat juices. I had been counting calories and fat grams, but neglected to count carbs, which she says plays a big part in loosing weight. I knew this, but was so focused on what Dr. Woodman said about counting fat grams. Anyway, I will definitely be incorporating this. The juice I use for my smoothie is only 50 cals/0 fat grams per 8 oz. cup, but has 30 carbohydrates (YIKES)!!! So needless to say I am going to find another way to mix my protein. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know. She told me that a lot of her patients don't lose as much weight as they could because they are on high calorie protein shakes and juices. She also said that when you get the lap band because you have been obese, your body wants to hold on to every gram of carb or fat (which I knew) when trying to loose weight, but also that your body doesn't even metabolize those things the same. If anyone had taken a picture of my face, that look would have been priceless. Bonnie, though did what Dr. Woodman didn't and that was tell me that she is so proud of me. YAY ME!!!

I save the best for last!! I want to thank Grace of Grace's Fat Chance for the parcel I got in the mail on Saturday. OMGGGGG!!!! I am so happy. I even have on a pair of the slacks and a cute top she sent me today. She was so gracious enough to throw in an extra pair of slacks. A few of my sister's were over so when I got the package they were just in awe. They were saying how cute the items were. Everything fits wonderfully and the slacks have a little room for me to run my finger along the waistline. I will be out of these in no time. I have this huge smile on my face. I just love the Sisterhood!! Thank you Grace!!!

Bandster HEEEEEELLLLLL!!!

2010-09-14T08:43:00.000-07:00

I am so hungry right now. I just ate a 4 oz cup of sugar free applesauce and a cheese stick. I don't eat lunch for another hour and a half. UGGGG!!! My stomach is growling like a rabid wolf. Dang it!! I have drank my water and still no let up. Ahhh well, I will be alright.

I went to a support group last night and I can say like all others in this support forum, that there is nothing like my sisters here. The group had about 8 people all in various states of WLS. One lady was considering getting the lap band. There was one person who had the by-pass and another the sleeve, the other 5 of us all had the band in various states of post op. Nothing the nutritionist said was anything I hadn't heard before. She sat there and told us about some studies she had read and basically read a little from the paper. After a while this guy who had the sleeve kind of took over. Actually, I was glad he did because it was boooooooorinnnng. I don't understand what a support group is for if it isn't for support. Maybe I'm just spoiled by what I have with you guys.

Anywho, I go for my first fill and follow up appointment on this Monday (9/20) coming up. One of the ladies who had the band on July 1st told me that our doctor won't have a problem with how much weight I have lost. She said he kind of got in her butt during her follow up because she had lost only 12lbs. Dr. Woodman thinks that you should loose at least 10. I thought well you did that. She said that wasn't anything spectacular in his eyes. Oh well, he will be alright. I still have a week left, so I will see how much I will drop by the 20th. Its not a race and the nutritionist said the same thing that Amy W. said in that everyone is different. I am anxious to see if this first fill will make a difference for me and to see how aggressive he will be with the fill. He is known to be an a-hole, but he doesn't scare me.

I was so excited to see my son this past weekend when he came home with the band to play in the classic. Now I am counting the days until Thanksgiving when he will be home for a few days. I know once that is gone I will be counting the days until Christmas. I miss my son! Here is a picture of him in action at the first game.

With a Cherry on Top!!

2010-09-14T06:32:00.000-07:00

I got the "Cherry on Top Award"!!

These are the rules:
1. Answer the question: If you had one chance to go back and change one thing in your life, would you and what would it be?

My answer is similar to Lena's. I wish I would have finished college. I hated that I couldn't go to the college I wanted to out of town and rebelled. My mom didn't want me to leave town (I was still 17) and so I had to go to a local HBCU. I hated it there. I was the fat girl amongst thin light skinned beauties and I hadn't yet figured out that I too was beautiful. Nevertheless I wasted my scholarships and flunked out. I do regret it, and have since tried going back but can't stay committed because of other priorities. Now that my son is in college, I question whether I can now and could be truly committed. I don't want to go back if my heart and passion is not there and thus flunk out again.

2. Pick 6 people and give them this award. You then have to inform the person that they have been selected for the award.

1. Joey
2. Linda
3. Tessie
4. The Banded Lady
5. CindyLew
6. Alycejo

Because I don't conform I had to add another one Ms. Stephanie

There are just so many wonderful ladies that add that spice or that cherry on top and I salute you. To many of y'all to name.

3. You have to thank the person (people) who gave you the award.

Lena you are such a jewel and I consider it an honor to be in the same category as yourself. ♥♥♥

A re-post from a Successful Bander

2010-09-13T13:28:00.001-07:00

Hey all! I hope your day has been going fabulous!! I was re-reading Amy W's blog and ran across this entry. I think it says so much about what I have been doing and maybe some of you might see a little of this in yourselves as well. I know I am guilty of it so when I read this entry it just rang true. Amy is such an inspiration to me. Once Upon a Time in the Land of Cheese and Sunkist was the very first blog I started reading and I got hooked. I almost became a stalker of this wonderfully funny charismatic young woman. She hasn't posted in a while, but I know she is still out there, probably still riding high off of her recent birthday. Amy I need a post because I'm starting to have withdraw symptoms.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009
A BIG FAT Comparison
I have been mulling over this post for a few days. I wanted to talk about comparing our weight loss with others. I wonder if my feelings would be different if I were at the low end of the spectrum...but here goes:

My thought on comparing our weight loss with other's weight loss is....

DON'T DO IT

It only feels good when you are "winning". The rest of the time, it makes you feel like a failure. There is no point in it really. It doesn't matter if someone was banded the same time as you or not. We are all built different, shaped different, have different genes, and different jean sizes. Our daily lives are different, our environment is different, our bands are different. And with all those differences, why would you expect to have the same results? For example, Mary, who was banded months after me, has now passed me in weight loss. Do you know why? For all the reasons I listed above AND because she works out more than me and probably doesn't sneak Sunkist into her desk drawer. So I don't beat myself up about it. Would you like someone else to beat you up? No. So why do it to yourself?

We chose the band for various reasons. Hopefully though, we all knew that the band was a slower weight loss, 1-2 pounds on average. But still we, (ME) get cranky when on AVERAGE, that is what we lose. It's like we look at the scale and say "Ah HELL NO BIATCH....ONE POUND!" Like we didnt know that is what is expected. We want Biggest Loser numbers! Well guess what!? We dont work out with the hot Gillian or Bob 8 hours a day on a magical ranch. We live real lives with kids, work, cheetos, parents. And we are succeeding. You know how we feel when one of the contestants are standing up there boohooing about "only" losing 6 pounds in a week? Do you ever think that maybe other, nonbanded folk, look at us the same way when we bitch about only losing 4, 6, or 8 pounds in a month? How quickly we have forgotten that we used to GAIN that in a month.

I started this journey in January at 327 pounds. When I hear people starting off at a weight like 233 (where I am now) or lower, and referring to themselves as FAT COWS, or saying "I can't believe I weigh 233...do I get my feelings hurt? No, bc I am smart enough to realize that weight is relative. So while at 233 I feel like I am doing pretty good....for others....that is their highest weight ever. BUT, my point is that when you are feeling like an unpolished turd about your weight, remember that there are those that started even fatter than you! I look at the girl on the Biggest Loser who weighs over 400 pounds and I am grateful for my 327 pound starting weight because I had a head start on her.

We are doing this.
We are changing our present and our future.
We can't change the past, but we can learn from it.
We will and we can be better, do better, and live better.
mmmhmmm...Yes We Can (sorry, I felt like Obama half way into my speech and had to throw that it in).

I am writing this for all of us! Sometimes the girl in the mirror with the pointed toe needs a reminder too! Love ya blog buds!

To read this in full Amy W. form click here

New Clothes & WL!!

2010-09-13T06:56:00.000-07:00

I am going to make this a quick one because I have a doctor's appointment to go to and then a office birthday party to come back and plan for.

I have to first say a HUGE thank you to Joey for the Sisterhood donation. I recieved in my mail box the cutest two tops I've ever seen. I tried them on for my fam and they said "ooooh aaaahhh!" They loved them and said I looked so cute in them. I am just so thankful for a support system such as this. My mom, I think was shocked because she has never seen anything like this before. I tried to explain it to her, but in my excitement don't think I did it justice. Thank you again Joey!!! I♥U!!

Next on the band front. I have lost another 2lbs. So that puts me at 255lbs. I can't even remember when I weighed 255 pounds. This time last year I was on chemo and at 275lbs. I had did a crash diet and lost about 8lbs and trying to make a decision to be healthy. I was bald from the treatments and making sure I kept a positive attitude. Well today is a new day. I can see the weight loss and it is amazing me. I look at the pic above and I don't remember my face being that thin. Wow. The first pic was taken in July a week or two before band surgery. I think I was at 275 then. I was till trying to get those 8lbs. off I had gained. The second picture is me today (forgive my hair, waiting on my hair products in the mail) at 255lbs.

Happy Monday all!!!

Bruno Mars

2010-09-09T10:38:00.000-07:00

Love this song and he is so cute!! Enjoy!!

This is such a happy song that I could cruise too.

I WHIP MY HAIR!!

2010-09-09T06:58:00.000-07:00

Hey all!! I'm in a good mood this morning. I'm tired as heck. I posted a comment on another blog that said I now understand the fatigue that comes along with the band and not eating much. Whew, but I'm ok. I'm going to still do Zumba this evening. They say exercise gives you energy right. I have no clue how I'm doing with the Chica challenge in comparison to others, but I have been exercising. I calculate a total of 20.9 miles and a total of 8 hours of exerise. I included the Zumba time, but I don't know how many miles or distance that calculates into. Anywho I know I'm behind the veterans, but I'm proud of myself because this is the most exercise I have done consistently in years. My clothes are looser and I can feel my collar bones even though I can't see them yet, LOL. My VP tells me everyday I'm melting right before her eyes. I just shake my head and laugh at her. I'm down 13lbs. since surgery and if I add my pre-surgery loss that's a total of 21lbs. I'm proud of myself even though I want to rush things.

I found this audio of Willow Smith's new song "I Whip My Hair". I love the Smith family. I read where someone said that Will and Jada are pimping out their children and not letting them live regular lives, but I know that as a child I had high aspirations. What are their parents to do, tell them nope you can't act, or sing or model. You have to play, jump and run with the other kids your age and that's it. I think if a child aspires to do things that are positive, then we as parents should support that. Anyway, I'm getting off my soap box now. Check out the song below.

Fair Food & a little of I Wish Wednesday!

2010-09-08T10:30:00.000-07:00

I found this in my newspaper today. I read another person's blog and they wrote about there not being any good food choices at the fair. This person choose the Barbeque Turkey leg because it was grilled. She only took about 3 bites before she was full. It's just a little blurb, but it shows how many calories fair food can contain. Dang it cause I love corn dogs.

From webmd.com
Stick with the cotton candy when you head out to the fair. A billowy cone weighs in at 171 calories and 0 fat grams - but remember, it's completely sugar. If you're bringing out the stretch pants, though, here's some food for thought: Fried Snickers, 444 calories and 29 grams of fat; giant turkey leg, 1136 calories and 45 grams of fat; and funnel cake, 760 calories and 44 grams of fat.

Here are some more I found:

Fried Twinkie (2 oz.): 420 calories/34 g fat
Funnel cake (1): 760 calories/44 g fat
Twinkie Dog Sundae: 500 calories/14 g fat
Fried cheesecake (6 oz.): 655 calories/47 g fat
Foot-long hot dog and bun: 470 calories/26 g fat

The folk eating Fried Butter are just waiting to fall over dead.

You can find the whole article here: Fair Food Calories

And look at this heart attack waiting to happen:

Here is a little of "I Wish Wednesday"

•I wish I didn't worry about stretching my pouch so much. My best friend who had the band went for her fill back in June and told the doctor that she think she might have stretched her band and he said "you probably did" and had an I could care less attitude. Now I know my friend wasn't doing what she was supposed to and I am for 99% of the time so I don't know why I worry about it so much.

•I wish the apartment my sister applied for would call her already. I'm so ready to get my house back and clean, Clean, CLEAN!!

•I wish that I was doing something that I love all the time. Like Joey and Draz! One day, I will. One day I tell ya!!

Sharing!!

2010-09-07T12:31:00.000-07:00

First off I have to use the word that Jenn coined "haphausted". I can say thats where I am right now. I went to Nashville for my son's first game and had ball. I'm tired as heck, but am so happy.

Here is a pic of my SUN during the game. I didn't get a chance to get a full frontal one cause those guys were on the go. We have the Southern Heritage Classic this weekend where he will be home with the band. I'm so excited. I'm sitting right by the band.

I posted earlier about my eating, but we also went sight seeing. We saw the oddest dogs and they were .....lets just say special. Wow!

These dogs were just sitting there on a motorcycle. Very trained dogs. I had to question though how in the whole wide world they got their fur like that. No normal dog would have sat still for that. You had to see it.

Hope you guys are having a great week so far. I got Zumba tonight.

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!!

2010-09-03T11:22:00.000-07:00

Anyone remember Ren & Stimpy. They were the most silliest cartoon out at the time. I hated to watch them, but it's like I couldn't turn away.

Grace of Grace's Fat Chance and Nella the Skinny B---H! were so wonderful in presenting me with such marvelous award. Thank you Grace & Nella for being such sweethearts.

So here are 10 things I like:

1. I love to hear the birds chirping on a cool crisp summer morning (before it gets 99 degrees). It takes me back to my childhood where my bed was under a window and every morning I would be awaken by a bird singing happily.

2. I love to sleep in and get up when my body says "wake up sunshine."

3. Music...it calms my soul (especially Jazz - listening to Miles Davis now). When anything stressful is going on, I can just pop in a CD and play something and my body just automatically transport.

4. My family. No matter if we get angry we are still there for one another. Everybody can't say they like their families. You have to love them, but like is another story. I truly do like them.

5. Technology. I have this thing where I have to get a new phone every year. I'm trying to cut that out, but in a few weeks I am getting an iPhone. I was going to wait until I get my longevity check, but the buttons on the phone I have are acting fickle so it's time. I also love computers.

6. The Food Network. On weekends I can sit and watch hours of that channel.

7. Which brings me to my favorite cook on there. I like Rachel Ray. I would love to meet her. Anybody got the hook up?

8. Fingernail polish. I have this collection of colors that I have been building forever. My sisters and nieces always come over to borrow. They always laugh because they feel like normal people have about 5 bottles of nail polish in different colors. Well I have about 55 or more.

9. Jewerly. I love little bracelets and earrings you can get from the beauty supply store. They don't cost much and I have built a little collection of that too.

10. Paper of any kind. I really like those cute journals. Kohl's has a cute one that I want to pick up. I think I have more journals and writing books than anything in my house.

Here are 10 Bloggers that I love and there are more, but I guess I will follow the rules....this time ;-).

1. Stephanie
2. Bonnie
3. Ronke
4. Joey
5. Catherine
6. Nicole
7. Amanda
8. Angela
9. Michelle
10.Mary

There are so many others. In fact 75 or more of you lovely gals, but of course I would be all day typing. Just know that you all deserve this award.

To all my lovely new followers....thank you, Thank you, THANK YOU!! I appreciate you being along on this journey with me and I look forward to sharing in your's. If I have happened to over look you and am not following your blog somehow, please let me know in a comment.

On the WL front, I have lost another pound. I went to Nashville for my son's first game and had a ball. I tried to make good food choices, for the most part I think I did well. I didn't get stuck or anything like that although I was looking for it. Went to Applebee's and had a Grilled Chicken Pasta salad & a little Spinach & Artichoke dip Saturday night, Since I was traveling Saturday Morning I had homemade veggie chili for breakfast. I am not a breakfast person, so unless it's yogurt or a protein drink, I stick to non breakfast fare. I didn't get a chance to eat a lot so I had plenty of water and some cheese sticks to tide me over. On Sunday, I ate some of the pasta salad I had from the night before because you know I didn't finish it. For lunch that day we went to Shoney's and I got a salad and tried the chicken but it didn't feel good going down so I got some Meatloaf and it was nasty so I just stuck with some mashed potatoes and called it a day. The only problem I would say that I'm having when I go out is drinking while eating. when I'm at home or work its not a problem, but when I'm out with friends, I find myself wanting to drink because it's there. I guess I could just not order it and get a to go cup. Later that evening as we were dropping our children off we stopped at Jack in the Box and I got a Teriyaki Chicken bowl. It had in there broccoli, grilled chiken in teriyaki, shredded carrots and rice. It was actually good and I got full and couldn't eat it all. I always worry though about stretching my pouch.

Other stuff to tell, but I don't want to bore you guys and this post is already becoming to long.....HAPPY MONDAY!!!

2010-09-02T10:08:00.000-07:00

Amy came up with this great idea. I think it's a great idea to one get to know each other better, but just over all feel good about ourselves or just vent. Whatever the topic may be for that week.

Today's subject:
Let's celebrate our own beauty and how wonderful we all look with a photo of your favorite feature.

Funny because for years I always thought that my smile was the most captivating thing I had on my body. I would smile big and bright showing all my teeth. One day I had to give a speech about our best trait and I said it was my winning smile. The teacher asked for responses after the speech to critique or whatever and this guy said that my smile was nice, but it was my eyes that drew him in. Needless to say I was shocked. I always thought I had these little slanted eyes that no one could tell were open when I smiled. Later in life, I told one of my BFFs the story and she agreed. Who knew...?

A HUGE Thank You!!!

2010-08-30T06:40:00.000-07:00

I have never met a more caring group of people than the ones that are in this support system. I was really going through a rough time on Friday. Although my rough periods don't usually last long, Friday hit me kinda hard. I was a fit of tears most of the day. I won't begin to name names, but you for those of you who reached out or thought kindly or just said a word of prayer for me. I thank you. You are all so awesome. I'm better today and know what I need to do. Thank you again for all you do and are.

Love you much!!

p.

Work out clothes

2010-08-27T12:49:00.001-07:00

I forgot to mention that when I went to zumba, I had on some jogging pants I got from the Nike outlet (men's btw) and an old t-shirt (ink stains and all) that I had when my son was in middle school in a 4x. I looked horrible. Needless to say I need to get some work out clothes. I saw some ladies there that had on those cute capri pants to work out in. I will eventually go to Wal-mart to get some, but it will have to wait a couple of pay periods. If anyone wants to donate an old pair, I'm a size 22. Thanks ladies for listening to my long rant below.

Love you guys much ♥♥♥!!

Happy Friday!! Ramblings of a 4th grader...I mean 41 year old.

2010-08-27T11:41:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday everyone!!!! The day is more than half over and the weekend is almost upon us. For some that may mean absolutely nothing if you have to work on the weekend, but hopfully you will get to enjoy it anyway. I will say that the weather here in Memphis has been STUPENDOUS!!! I mean 85 degree weather or less and at night 68 degrees. Now this is my time of the year....that is until it gets hot again. Cause y'all know Summer ain't over yet.

So I've been thinking again. I know, I know... bare with me cause I have to put stuff in bullets or else you won't be able to follow my craziness.

•I've lost 11 pounds so far. I went in to the surgery weighing 270# and I now weigh 259#. So why am I thinking I'm not doing enough to lose like other people. It's funny because I go on other blogs and see what people who were banded around the same time as I have lost and I even go on blogs and count up the number of #s they have lost in 2 weeks(where I am) or a month. For instance Michelle over at The Band in Me has lost 27#s in little over a month. Am I jealous, by all means no. I am happy and excited for her, but it makes me question am I doing enough to loose. Ok so I know that I should not be comparing my loss and efforts to others, but I don't want to fail. I guess I look at what others are doing and see a standard that I should be upholding to. I always think I'm slacking somehow. I'm goofy y'all forgive me.

•I did Zumba last night with a friend/fellow band parent. I was content with staying in the back because I'm uber goofy and am not coordinated in the least, but she insisted I come up front with her. I couldn't keep up, but I did the whole work out. At some points I got a little embarrassed because I wasn't doing the moves right most of the time. At one point one of the teachers (three were interchanging), got in front of me and was doing the exercises. I guess to coax me along. I got through it though and have vowed to do Zumba twice a week (every Tuesday & Thursday). My friend said that the teachers we had last night were not the usual teachers and basically didn't do like the one that always facilitates (did that make sense). Jenese the regular teacher has a routine that everybody pretty much knows and that even she (my friend) was thrown off a little. Although it made me feel a little better, I still would have been out of my element even with the regular teacher because I didn't know any of it. There was this little pixie of a girl that had the moves down pat and I was just watching her to keep up. She was on the other side of my friend. She saw me watching her and would smile every now and then. She smiled and waved when she left class. I felt a little embarrassed again.

•I want to join Boobs, but I haven't even read the website. I don't even know what the group is all about. I have saw many post on other blogs about Boobs and even know about the upcoming Chicago trip, but have never ventured over there to see what it was all about. At one point when I first heard mention of Boobs, I decided I wasn't going to investigate because I had no boobs. I know silly of me. With this cancer thing as positive as I can be at times, I can also think of the most asinine and stupidest thing to be hard on myself for. Even now I sit here and actually have the nerve to cry because when I was at Zumba I wondered what folk thought of me because I didn't have any. I didn't know what was going on in the head of that little pixie of a girl exercising. I didn't know if she was judging me and thought something else. Although if I was a lesbian it would not be a bad thing, but you never know what people think of you just by your outer appearance. I wanted to yell out "It's ok I'm a BC survivor." So what if they thought anything, it doesn't matter what they think. I usually don't care what people think, but lately here I have been seeing a lot of looks from folk. It's like they look at me and don't realize that I can see the focus of their eyes shift to my chest. Sometimes I shrug it off and other times I don't know how to feel.

•With all of this I feel like a kid. A 4th grader wondering if I will have friends when school starts. for some reason I've just been doubting myself lately. I'm missing my son and feel lost at times. Here I go with the crying again.

•I don't know if you remember the post I made about my Executive Director (ED) leaving?? Well a couple of my collegues think I would be wonderful in that position. It would mean more money, but also much more responsibility. Well she isn't even gone yet (1 more week) and she has posted her own job. Yeah I know. She is so full of herself, but my VP couldn't do it because she doesn't know how. Go figure. Anyway, I pulled up the post (btw, I haven't told my VP I want the job yet) and the things my ED says she does, I actually do. My co-worker says she doesn't do that stuff you do. I had to laugh because it is so true. Now I went down to talk to my old VP who is like one of my mentors and she told me "don't tell yourself no, let someone else tell me no." In other words I should apply for the position and if it is for me I will get it. She did tell me something that I hadn't thought of. My ED spends a lot of time flirting with the donors. Working directly with donors is the one thing I don't do. She does a lot of smoozing and flirting to get that money out of them. My old VP said she is like a hostess. She entertains and that I should be aware of that. I began thinking, what if I can't do that. What if these donors need someone who is flighty and sugary. You know the kind. They speak to you in the highest possible pitch voice that is known to man. So high only dogs can hear it sometimes, LOL. My co-worker who is like one of my main supporters here told me that with my personality I would win them over because I'm sincere, unlike my soon to be ex-ED.

Anyway, that was the ramblings of a not so 41 year old. Forgive me for today. I'm a little bit off.

Have a wonderful weekend.

CONSTIPATION!!! Seriously???

2010-08-25T10:06:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'm sorry to make a post about constipation, but WTH!!!!! OMG!! I have never experienced anything like this before in my life. Three tries it took. I will have to start taking Ex-Lax or something cause today was ridiculous.

Ok,I'm through with that. Eating is going good. I did have a bout yesterday where I wanted some real food. Had some squash and a VERY small piece of baked chicken breast for dinner. It was really moist and I chewed the heck out of it. But then I started worrying if I hurt my stomach by eatting real food to fast. Any thoughts??

Hope everyone is having a great day.

Who Knew

2010-08-23T07:40:00.001-07:00

I can run y'all!!! Oh my goodness. I was exercising this weekend and while I was walking I just broke out into a run. It wasn't for a long time or fast mind you, but it was a run nonetheless. I'm so proud of myself. I didn't exercise at all Friday (unless you count walking around Walmart for an hour exercise - if so I will add that, y'all let me know), but Saturday and Sunday I kicked it into high gear. Well as high as my gears could go that is. See all week I had been doing my walk and only doing a mile, well Saturday I stepped it up and decided that I needed to do more. So I did 2 miles. Yes, me!! I couldn't believe it. Sunday I did 3 miles and I ran a little each day!!! I'm so proud of myself.

On the band front. I am just now starting to get hungry. Right now I feel my stomach growling. I had a protein smoothie for breakfast this morning and it filled me up, but that was at 7:30. Now its about 15 till 10 and I'm more than slightly hungry. I'm not famished, by any means, but hungry nonetheless. I'm drinking water to see if that feeling will be curtailed some. I had my first bout with head hunger last night. I wasn't really hungry, but wanted to go and eat more Baked Ricotta. Oh my goodness how good it was. One of my main problems in the past was overeatting because the food was so good. See I can cook. I am no chef, but I can hold my own in the kitchen. Therefore, when I cook I put my foot in it and oh how delish it can be. I want to just eat it all up. So yesterday I used will power and restraint. When it got a little bad, I got some sugar free chocolate pudding and mixed some of my chocolate truffle protein in it and OH MY GOODNESS, it was like I was having a premier desert. It was SOOOOOOO GOOD!!!

Anyway thats it for today. I don't have much, but wanted to post something.
Happy Monday!!

A Stupid question or two

2010-08-19T08:02:00.000-07:00

For the last two days I have been able to eat soft foods...i.e. mushies. Yesterday I ate a 1/2 cup of corn beef hash with a 1/4 cup of mash potatoes. I wondered if that was to much food and if I was in danger of stretching my pouch. The day before I had a 1/4 of refried beans topped with ff-cheddar cheese and egg beaters (eq. of 2 eggs) soft scrambled with ff-cheddar. I felt stuffed after the dinner, but I wondered if I am eating to much. Any suggestions, comments or advice??

Next stupid question is. Will water just slide down in the lower stomach from the stoma(pouch)? I ask because I was reading another blog where the bander slimmed or PB off of water. Now the problem might have been for her that she was to tight, but I guess I'm asking because I don't want to drink to much at one time and have my pouch to full only to slim or PB it.

Any suggestions, comments or advice is greatly welcomed to this newbie in the game.

Thanks.

Giveaway Alert!!

2010-08-18T10:05:00.000-07:00

Hey guys!! Shelly over at The World According to Eggface is giving away

Go on over to her spot and she will give you instructions on how to enter and maybe win!

Can I just say for the record I SOOOOOOO want to try these syrups. I called my local Whole Foods and they don't sell this product :-( Ok so I have to order it. With money being tight AND the fact that I hate to wait when I order something online, I hope that I win!!

Happy Hump Day!!

Doing Good and a little Rant

2010-08-18T09:20:00.000-07:00

Eating is going good. I have been maintaining 3 meals a day with the mushies. Today though I'm feeling a little hungry so I whipped out my little 2 oz. no sugar applesauce and let that fill me. Yesterday I detected this and grabbed a cup of water. It lasted me until I got home and I exercised (1.5 mile walk) then ate a protein filled dinner.

So here is my rant for today:
Yesterday my Exec. Director (ED) decides that she can't stuff 9 envelopes so she asks me to do it. No problem, the only reason I seem to be here is to answer phones and be at their beck and call anyway. Anywho, she tells me to put the binders in the envelope along with a letter, seal and that she needs to get them mailed today. I must tell you that it was 3:30 and the university post office closes at 4 AND we are on the north end of the campus. So all the times that I have done this never have the letters been personalized. This time they were, but she neglected to tell me that. So I don't check the letters and stuff them in the envelopes. Fast forward to 30 minutes ago when ED comes over to my suite and asks me if I put each letter with each lable. She said she got a call from one of the people she gave the package to (because she hand delivered some) that he got a letter address to another person. I told her that I didn't match the letters because she didn't mention that. That they have always been generic for the last 3 years. I apologized for the mishap and she told me to ask next time.

I started off shocked, then pissed, and then sad. Shocked because something like this happened and she actually wanted to blame me. Pissed because she is going to bad mouth me to my VP and anyone else who will listen and sad because I began to blame myself because usually I check EVERYTHING. Sometimes I can be very OCD. I called my co-worker upstairs and she told me that none of it was my fault and that I have to consider the source. MY ED always messes up and blames others or accepts credit for stuff others do and talks bad about everybody. The only good thing from this is that my ED gave her 2 weeks notice and is resigning and will be moving to Hawaii for another job. Hallelujah!! No one can stand her, but just puts up with her. I just had to get this out. Its a ramble rant of sort, but I had blog it.

GO CHICA GO!!!!!!!

2010-08-17T12:19:00.001-07:00

I'm going to participate. I never really win anything so this will be just to keep my motivation up to exercise and continue to lose weight. Go on over to Draz's to get all the info or just read the abbreviated version below:

Keep a log - and the person with the most miles wins a prize!

In order to give everyone the chance to log in and check blogs and such I'd like this to start on Friday, August the 20th and end on Friday, September the 24th! That's 5 exact weeks - 35 short days!

Let Draz know if you want to sign up and I'll keep a list of competitors. I may ask for updates and post them randomly so all of you with competitive spirits can be motivated along the way so keep your logs current!

Be sure to let your followers know about the challenge since I'm sure all of your followers don't follow me so they won't know about it unless you tell them.

Repost the pic above.

GO CHICA GO!!!!

On to MUSHIES!!

2010-08-17T11:16:00.000-07:00

So I'm a little bit happier than I should be about this, but I was so glad to be off liquids. I guess because I was doing it a week before surgery, I have had all the liquids I could take. I don't see how folk who had to do a liquid diet for pre-op lasted, but my hat is off to you.

Today I had a protein shake for breakfast and for lunch I had refried beans topped with fat free cheddar cheese. I noticed it before but had to mention it now....fat free cheddar is so not like regular cheddar. It doesn't melt the same or pull the same. I guess because of the missing "FAT," LOL! Takes some getting use to. Tonight I will be having soft scrambled eggs with ff cheddar cheese.

Alycejo over at My Rescue is Possible asked a question that had been on my mind. How do you know when you are full? I thought about this and she asked it before I did. My method since I am newly banded is just to eat the exact measure that my surgeon recommends and eat when I'm supposed to. I wrote out a plan that I could follow. To be honest I just finished lunch about 30 minutes ago and I feel some gurgling in my intestines. I don't know what to make of that. I am not ever hungry and can't even feel my stomach (I guess that's due to swelling) to know that I'm full when I eat something. So rather than over eat, I just measure eat and stop. I don't want to not eat because I'm not hungry and get malnurished so I will continue this way.

I have to share this good news though that has nothing to do with WL. My youngest sister who moved in with 2.5 kids (2 & she's pregnant again) called and told me that she has been moved up on the waiting list for an apartment. She is not working and trying to get her GED. Because of those reasons she can only get an apartment in which rent is based on income. I'm so happy I could do my Snoopy Happy dance!!! My house is not that big and her kids make a mess. Don't get me wrong, I love them so much, but LORD I will be happy to have my house back.

My Lap Band Surgery Experience

2010-08-16T13:23:00.000-07:00

Hi all!! As promised here is a blow by blow account of my day of banding.

The day before I went to work as normal and had planned to stay all day. Well that didn’t turn out to be the case. At 1:30 p.m. I drank “as advised” my Magnesium Citrate. Well I was making such a horrible face as my Assoc. VP walked in with another director that I had to explain that I wasn’t frowning at them. I told them that what I had drank and the AVP said oh my you need to go home. He was so funny, he was scaring me with stories of my possibly pooping on myself. I was howling laughing and my VP said that I better run home. Well most folk know I don’t always do what I’m told. So I prayed that I didn’t poop myself and went to my bariatric doctor to weigh in. I’m sorry there was NO way I was going to drive 40 minutes all the way home just to drive back out 40 minutes to get weighed. Nope not gonna happen. So I took my chances. I felt my stomach gurgle a little, but I kept going. I walked in the office and signed in. They called me back in 2 minutes and I was down from 278 to 270. I was happy because my surgeon is a stickler for doing what you are told. He has a distinct rep for being an A..hole, but hey I can role with the punches. After getting weighed, I stood around talking to the office nutritionist about recipes and what it takes to be successful. All in all I got home about 3:30. That’s hour and a half after I left. The laxative didn’t start working on me until about 5 p.m. So I was good. I milled around the house and got my stuff together for the next day, got my last broth and apple juice in and called it a night with some Tylenol PM.

Fast forward to 4:30 in the morning…..ugh! I am SOOOOO not a morning person, but got up showered and walked around the house for 20 minutes. I guess I had some nervous energy. My mom was up and ready to take me to the hospital so we left about 10 till 5. I think she sensed my nervousness or was maybe trying to cover up her own by making small talk. Normally conversations between me and my mom are free flowing. We made it to out-patient check in at 5:30 on the dot. I signed in and walked to “same day surgery.” The minute I got to the desk one of the nurses showed me to my room and I commenced to getting on that really cute gown that opens in the back. Then I met the most wonderful angel, My nurse Marcele. She took my vitals and told me that they were ready for me. I was shocked because normally when I have a surgery the wait time is at least an hour. The reminded me that because I sometimes have problems with anesthesia (malignant hyperthermia) I needed to be the first to have my surgery done. Ok, not a problem. They anesthesiologist came in and introduced herself as she checked for a vein, while my surgeon came over and asked if I was ready and prepared to do what was right (while my anesthesiologist rolled her eyes, LOL). Now I must mention that my surgeon is not well liked, by his colleagues or some of patients, but I wasn’t there to be his friend. I told him that I was and my assumption of the band and its purpose and he left to check my OR. My anesthesiologist was by that time thumping my hand and saying that she was proud of me for taking such a bold move for my health. We talked a bit and she mentioned that of course I had a big part to play and we talked a little about what I needed to do. She talked about her food addiction, but tried to make sure she didn’t gain much. She also said she would not say anything since she couldn’t say anything nice about my doctor, but the she recanted that and said…..”well he is very good at what he does.” With that my doctor stuck his head in the door and made a face. He was a little frustrated that they didn’t have my OR ready yet. They had to re-stock because of my condition. About 5 minutes later it was ready and I was wheeled about 3 doors down the hall (my last look at the clock said it was 7:45). They stretched my arms out like I was on the cross and pinned them down on foam with some Velcro straps. I mentioned how cold it was in there and the next thing I know I was out like a light.
I wake up in recovery to a nice nurse monitoring my blood pressure and temp as they both have a habit of spiking when I go in surgery. They both finally came down enough for them to let me go to back to my room about 10 am. I called my mom and told her I was out and she headed in (she had went back to take the grand kids to day care). My nurse Marcele, comes in and takes my vitals and they look good. She says that I have to stay until 3 p.m. I sleep off and on and awake to Marcele saying if I feel up to it I can take a walk. And walk I did. I circled the out patient floor 5 times. I was to loopy to count the steps, but determined not to have any problems with pinned up gas. Marcele said I was the poster child for success and that she had never seen any patient do that. I just kept going like the Energizer bunny. They finally released me right at 3 p.m. I rode out in my cute gown and robe. They said hey why change just go in that…..so I did. I got home and laid it down as the sleepies were coming back. My mom went and picked up my ‘script and I dozed in and out of consciousness. I finally got up about 5 and trotted to the bathroom. A little tired but not extremely so. About 7 I make myself sip some broth and take my meds (liquid Loritab). I’m not really in any pain. A little sore at the port site, but that’s it. I decide to walk my hallway about 10 times which is 20 steps one way, text my son and call it a night.
The next day I was feeling a little better, but still sore. I got up and sipped some broth, watched television and just decided to walk. So I got my little walking dvd out and did about 10 minutes of it. I did this off and on throughout the day, whenever the urge would hit me. I must also tell you that I have had absolutely NO problems with gas in my back or shoulders. I am sooooo happy about this as this was one of my biggest worries. I have just kept it moving. I walked in Wal-Mart, I walked in Sam’s club I even went to Nashville yesterday to see my baby boy!! One of my BFFs (the one that has been banded) called to check on me and asked if I was excited, I told her that I can’t say “I’m excited anymore because excitement wears off, I’m more determined than anything.” She didn’t have anything to say. AAAHhhhh well!! Got to keep it moving.

Ok, I didn’t mention my eating. I am sooo not hungry. Even today I am just eating because I know I’m supposed to. Today I have my protein shake for breakfast and lunch along with some sugar free jello. I have also been taking my Flintstones, and my sublingual B12s and I’m not tired either. I attribute the lack of fatigue to the fact that after you go through chemo, nothing makes you tired anymore. I got energy!! I am though, sick of broth. I have moved onto full liquids which are ok, but I’m soooo looking forward to the 5 & 6 week where I can go to normal food consistency. I have my first 2 weeks of meals planned out 2 being putting chicken breast in my crock pot with some veggies and going ham (as my son says). Seriously, I’m looking forward to cooking for the week and putting things up in my new Tupperware for each day. The next week will be poached salmon with Idaho potatoes in the crock pot. Well Tuesday I start my mushies and I’m excited about my refried beans and cheddar cheese among other things.

With that I will end here and let you know that the new name of my blog is “The Life of the Band” starring me and my band ….Jiminy Cricket or JC as he is so affectionetly called (thanks Gwen). He has deemed himself my official conscience as you can tell from the picture so I'm gonna let him run with it.

I'm BAAAAAAACCCCCCKKKK!!!

2010-08-16T06:42:00.000-07:00

I have this HUGE smile on my face right now!!! I am so happy and feeling great. I saw the comments on my last post and I just LOVE each and every one of you!!! There honestly are no words. I wish I could give you all a hug! Your kind words, thoughts and much needed prayers got me through. I thought about you all the whole time I was there. I will do a seperate (hopefully not long) blog about it later as I have stuff piled on my desk.

I will say also that I not only love you guys for the kind words and prayers, but for your ability to give back. All your advice helped me throughout this process. Without you I don't know where I would have been. So with that said I am doing WONDERFUL and have already lost...drumroll please...................

10 lbs!!!!!

I♥♥♥♥you guys so much. Be back with another post later!!

Stephanie, thank you again for being such a sweetheart and posting an update for me. you are a Godsend!!

Tomorrow is the day!!!!!

2010-08-09T07:40:00.000-07:00

WOW!! Ok first off let me let you know there will be no structure to this post whatsoever. I am excited and have work to do in this office. How dare they expect me to come to work and WORK!!! ☺ Since I'm going to ramble I will try to put them in bullets so you can follow. As they appear here is exactly how they popped in my head.
*WARNING: This post does contain rants about poop! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!*

•I dropped my son off in Nashville to start band camp and in 3 weeks college. I miss him already. I didn't go into his bedroom at home for fear of crying. On that note, I was there all day and when it was time for me to leave, I just hugged him, gave him a kiss and told him to be good (like he was being dropped off in daycare or something). He looked into my eyes and I saw all the love I have cultivated for 18 years. I will see him in a few weeks when he comes back home to play in the Southern Heritage Classic.

•I started my clear liquid diet this morning and have to drink Magnesium Citrate. A laxative and I'm at work!!! OMGEEEEEEEEEE for realz!!!!!! I went to Fred's and picked up a 10 oz. bottle for a dollar in the only flavor they had "Sparkling Lemon." Yea..... I know some of you are going to say "well why don't you drink it when you get home??" The short answer to that is that I have to drink it between 1 and 2 p.m. They want my system clear and not pooping on them by the time I come in. So lets do the math here. LIQUID DIET + LAXATIVE = LIQUID POOP AND A LOT OF IT!!

•Which leads me to my next rant.....I have to be at the hospital at 5:30 a.m.!!! Actually I'm good with that so that I won't have to be there all day. I have had surgeries where I had to be at the hospital at 1 p.m. WTH!! My surgery is supposed to start at 7:30. From what I'm told that may or may not be the case. It's like a little cattle call......That's sad. Ok....

•I will be off work for the rest of the week and will not have internet access except through my cell phone. Not a lot of wiggle room with that small screen, so I will fill you guys in when I get back to work on Monday and play catch up with all you guys goings on.

•I can already tell I'm going to get sick of broth. I had beef broth this morning and after the first 2 or 3 swallows I was like ACK!!!

•I'm determined to see this through. Part of me wonders though is it to show my best friend (the one thats banded) that the band can actually work and that she is wrong. IDK. I know my primary reason is of course my health, but also to show my friend that she has to work the band. We had a discussion last week where I think she actually was trying to talk me out of this. I'm a strong head so she knew it wouldn't work, but she made slippery comments anyway like "You can do it on your own" and "It is really no difference." She said "it doesn't take away your cravings." Well duh!!! I told her this is a "lap band" it goes around your stomach, not your brain. If you were an emotional eater before the band will not make you stop medicating yourself with food because you just broke up with your no good baby daddy for the umpteenth time. Nor will it solve any other emotional issues. Those are your's and your's along to fix.

•While we are on it. Sometimes I wonder about my BFFs (I have two and they are sisters). One is banded the other isn't. They are both very competitive and not in a good way. They do it in a way that says "nah, I beat you and am better." I was over to their house last week and the sister that isn't banded asked me how much I weighed. Of course because I'm an open book 90% of the time I told her. She waited a while and in the middle of the conversation said something like "I wasn't going to tell you, but when you told me how much you weighed I was thinking I'm not going to let her beat me (in losing weight)." WTH!!! As much as I have been through you are worried about competing against me. The one who HAS to lose weight or die. COMMMMMMMEEEONNNNNNNN!! I didn't mention this to my mom (who is VERY supportive, btw), because my family is already a little perturbed with my BFFs for not coming to the hospital at all when I had my double mastectomy. One hates hospitals and the other was tired from work. I didn't know until this past week that my family had discussed this without me. They feel that people you have been loyal to for 17 years should have been supportive of you regardless. I agree and have since let it go. They apologized and I accepted. But sometimes I wonder.....

•I do have another good friend who was banded Oct '09 and has been VERY successful. Her story is similar to mind with a few exceptions. Her mother died of cancer some years ago and her brother has cancer now. She just made a decision that she wanted to live and see her beautiful babies grow up. I don't blame her. She is the reason I made the decision to get banded.

Anyway those are my ramblings for today. I have more, but this post would be exceptionally long and I don't want to bore ya. By the time I talk with you guys again I will be in band land. See you on the other side!!

Me Versatile...I'm a one trick pony!!

2010-08-03T11:58:00.000-07:00

Oh my!! I am so honored to recieve this award. Wow!!

Here are the rules:

1. Thank the person giving the award.
2. Share seven things about yourself.
3. Nominate 15 newly discovered blogs.
4. Let your nominees know about the award.

• Leah you are so AWESOME to have nominated me for this special award. I will cherish it forever.

• Share seven things about myself
1. I've always dreamed of traveling in space. I was a trekkie and watched every other space show that came on television. I watched Star Wars, Lost in Space, Space Ghost, the "old" Battlestar Galactica, The Jetsons, My Favorite Martian, you name it I was fascinated with it . Anybody remember "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century??"

2. One of the superpowers that I always wanted to have was to fly. I love birds and planes for that simple reason. I have even contemplated taking flying lessons.

3. I can be a snob. I hate being around ghetto people. I purposely avoid going to stores in the hood because I just don't want to be around loud black folk who have burgundy hair and cuss (not curse) out their children.

4. I wore neutral colors & navy blues for most of my adult hood because I wanted to look smaller. You know the old adage that dark colors makes you look smaller? Yea right. I didn't own a thing of color until I turned 35.

5. I have worked at the Univ. of Memphis for 13 years. I have never stayed in one place for more than 5. I will admit though I have switched positions in those 13 years 3 times.

6. I am deathly afraid of snakes.

7. I'm not so sure I want to be married anymore. In my 20s & 30s I would literally cry because I didn't have a husband. I have planned my wedding since I was a kid, now I'm not so sure. In this battle with cancer, I have learne to love my peace and space and now I feel like a husband would deminish all of that. I want to have a companion, but I want to be able to send him home when I'm tired of him.....is that bad??

• Nominate 15 newly discovered blogs.
Dang, I can't even count that high. Ok here goes and if you've gotten it before, sorry just add it to the bunch ☺.

1. Michelle
2. Lap Band Gal
3. LDSwims
4. Heather
5. Band Groupie
6. Kristen
7. Sumer
8. Christine
9. Kristina
10.Amy
11.Michelle
12.Catherine
13.Pie
14.Tessie
15.CeeJay
one more
16.Ice Queen

Again I want to thank the beautiful Leah for nominating me. I think these awards are more than just cute. They go a long way in encouraging someone. I took this seriously simply because I know that one day when/if I get another award after I'm banded this will lift my spirits and encourage me to fight on. So FIGHT ON my friends, FIGHT ON!!

Now off to complete #4!!

6 more days until band land!!!

Protein Review

2010-08-02T09:21:00.000-07:00

Happy Monday to you all!!

I wanted to do a review on a protein that I have tried and love. My BFF suggested this (as well as the nurse at my surgeon) and I have found that not only is it great for protein, it doesn’t taste bad either. This is the website and you can click on the different Nectar links to see the different flavors.

1st up is Nectar Protein in Chocolate Truffle from the Nectar Sweets line. This is a chocolate drink that has a great chocolate flavor and doesn’t taste gritty. It has 23 grams of protein per full scoop and only 100 calories. There are 0 grams of fat, 0 carbohydrates and it has NO Aspartame!! I thought this was great as I have been seeing some very alarming things about aspartame lately. I will definitely be switching to Stevia. If you go to the website there are several flavors including Natural Fruit Punch and Natural Peach from the Nectar Naturals line, Twisted Cherry, Roadside Lemonade, and Fuzzy Navel from the Nectar line and Chocolate Truffle, Strawberry Mousse and Vanilla Bean Torte from the Nectar Sweets line.

2nd is Nectar Medical, which is a protein powder that you can mix in to drinks and or soft foods & soups. It has 10 grams of protein per scoop and only 40 calories with no carbs or fat. This protein can also be mixed in feeding tubes. The taste isn’t bad and you can’t really make a distinction in your food. Be careful not to mix it in anything to hot as it will denature the protein.

Right now I am on my (self-prescribed) pre-op diet and I mix the following:

1 full scoop of Nectar Protein in Chocolate Truffle (100 cals; 23 g. protein)
1 full scoop of Nectar Medical (40 cals; 10 g. protein)
1 teaspoon of Metamucil Fiber (25 cals; 5 g. fiber)
1/3 cup of powdered milk (80 cals; 8 g. protein)
1 cup of cold water

In blender combine all the powders and ½ of the water and blend for about 10 seconds. Let the mixture sit for about 2 to 5 minutes (as it will allow the powders to settle thus enhancing the taste) Add the remaining water and blend a few seconds more. Can add a few ice cubes if you like and pulse a bit longer. Can substitute 1 cup of skim milk instead for the powdered milk and water.

Cals: 245
Protein: 46 grams
Fiber: 5 grams

You can mix what you want and get a healthy dose of Protein and a low cal drink that will keep you full. I am drinking a shake for breakfast and lunch and eating a salad with tuna for dinner. Be mindful though that when you mix up the drink it will swell and be well more than 8 oz. I wouldn’t suggest mixing the Fuzzy Navel or other flavors like Natural Peach with milk though. You can do just water.

I bought these products from a local nutrition & vitamin store here. Check with your local stores to see if they carry it. I can tell you now that Wholefoods doesn't and neither does GNC if you shop at those places.

BYOC

2010-07-30T11:52:00.000-07:00

Well here goes my craziness!!
1. What is your favorite genre of movies? (comedy/romance/horror/action)
I have since childhood been a huge fan of horror. I would watch every Alfred Hitchcock movie I could and then end up not being able to go to sleep for nightmares plaguing me. I also love fantasy movies, the Harry Potters, Lord of the Rings, Wizard of Oz, Chronicles of Narnia. Anything that takes me away and lets me dream of another land, I love.

2.What do you order when you eat Chinese food?
I haven't ordered Chinese in a good little while, but every time I do I order Shrimp Fried Rice, 1 egg roll and an order of Crab Ragoon with the sweet sauce. I am in heaven when I eat this meal.

3. Okay no one kill me for this one - and don't answer if you don't want to BUT I just saw some preview for Dr. Phil on swingers and I wondered - what's your take on swingers.....for it, against it, do it, would never do it, etc.?
Ok so I'm gonna look real bad after admitting this, but I used to go to swing parties. I would sometimes participate but most of the time watch. It got old after a while and I eventually stopped going. It was a phase I was in back in my early 30s. It's not something I would do now.

4. Let's go back to a repeat question. Pick one thing you'll do one next week that is for your physical/mental health.
I only have one day where I will have to do a clear liquid diet before my surgery on the 10th, but I have decided to do protein shakes for breakfast and lunch and a salad for dinner for the whole week before. I will also be getting my water in.

5. Repeat question. Which blog or comment stuck with you the most this week and why?
I will admit I have been a total slacker. I have read some blogs, but not my total following. I have to get better. I did read Draz's blog about the flooding at her house and could not imagine going through that. We had some torrential rains here in Tennessee a month or so back and there was so much damage. I pray for her and everyone who is going through right now.

My Fat Girl Bucket List

2010-07-30T10:42:00.000-07:00

I saw this on Jenny's blog back in June and just knew that I had to do one. Jenny I hope you don't mind. So here goes.....

1. I want to wear a size smaller than a 24…much smaller. I want to be able to shop at Ross Dress for Less and wear cute clothes like my boss. Maybe a 16…naw how about a 14.

2. I want to be able to climb stairs without being so out of breath and tired that I want to throw up.

3. I want to go to Universal Studios and ride on the Harry Potter ride and not be asked to get off because of weight like this guy.

4. I want to stop coughing and to not use my inhaler anymore.

5. I want to wear the cute stilettos and not have my calves & shins in excruciating pain from all the pressure of 269lbs.

6. I want my stomach to be flat so I can tuck my tops in sometimes.

7. I want to learn how to swim and wear a bathing suit in front of guys at the rec center. The women I don't care about but I get self-conscious in front of guys.

8. I want to get small enough to wear a cute hair cut & color where my head doesn’t look so big and I don’t look like Ronald McDonald. You know how a fat person’s head looks huge with little hair. BTW this is one of my rewards.

9. I want to throw a classy Martha Stewart type dinner party complete with places cards and music. I want to be able to wear the cutest LBD and entertain my wonderful guests.

10. I want to take a dance class and not be afraid that I will be to out of breath to do the whole class. Maybe a Salsa, Swing and/or Belly dancing class.

One more...

11. I also want to be able to cross my legs. Right now I can’t even put my foot up on my knew (like the men cross their legs) without bending down and picking my foot up and putting it on my knee. It gets there but it slides right back off.

********

Ok guys, I want to name my band like so many of you wonderful ladies have. I need some suggestions. You know I love cartoons and Harry Potter *waving @PIE*. So help me out. Maybe something that goes along the lines of a wizard band....?? Or maybe I can call him/her Snoopy or Scooby. I don't know but I'm sure some of you smart ladies can come up with something. I'm open to all suggestions.

*******
I would like to send out peaceful and good vibes to my dear Draz. I know things are kinda crappy right now, but I know you will get through this. It's hard to see you sad because you are so fearless. Here's to knowing that the best is yet to come for you. ♥♥♥

WOW @ Drew Carey

2010-07-30T06:34:00.000-07:00

Have you guys seen this?

Drew Carey has dropped a reported 70 lbs. -- and he tells UsMagazine.com he couldn't feel better.

"I just got sick of being fat," he told Us Wednesday at the 2010 CBS Summer Press Tour Party in Beverly Hills.

In early May, the National Enquirer reported that The Price Is Right host, 52, was dieting and working out. A month later, it claimed Carey was using an "custom-made appetite suppressant administered by a Hollywood nutritionist."

But Carey told Us he's been following a cardio program, "so there's nobody really standing over me. I do work with somebody who gives me advice on what to do, how many minutes to run, what my heart rate should be and all that kind of stuff."

Carey, who said he is no longer diabetic, told Us he wants to lose more weight "so I can be looking that great at 86."

Added the actor, "My fiancee has a 5-year old, and wow, I'd love to see him graduate. I'd love to be able play with him without getting tired, enjoy my life and watch him grow."

Though he still eats meat, he told Us he has one strict food rule: "No donuts!"

*****I pulled this from OMG!! http://omg.yahoo.com/news/drew-carey-drops-70-lbs-i-got-sick-of-being-fat/44733?nc

HAPPY DANCE!!!

2010-07-28T09:09:00.000-07:00

I am so happy right now. I GOT APPROVED to withdraw some of my money from my 401K!! They will be sending a check out Friday, so I will have it in time to pay on the 3rd of August.

Oh I am so happy right now!! My son's monies were applied to his fees for his tuition and other fees and he has a refund of almost $4K coming back in which he will be saving and investing. Prayer works.

Thank you all who said a prayer for me, thought about me or just sent out good vibes. I am so thankful for you all. I swear if I wasn't in this office I would be doing my very own Snoopy Happy Dance!!

Alright see below some pics of me that I have been holding onto for a minute. I am excited about getting the band and working it to its fullest potential. This is what I look like now. I am having my next reconstruction surgery in late November or December. This will be phase 3 where they will put in the silicone implants. My plastic surgeon suggested waiting until I lose some weight so that will keep me from having another surgery for excess skin around my boobs.

Thank you again!!

Me at 269lbs

Catching up

2010-07-21T10:57:00.000-07:00

Hey all. Just wanted to send a short shout out to all of you and let you know I'm thinking of you. I'm playing catch up with the blogs and my eyes are bugging out of my head; especially with the negative energy that has been being distributed on these blogs. I will say this. Support and helpful support at that is what is needed.

I have some pictures that I will post soon to officially start my band journey. I am awaiting word from my 401K provider to see if they will let me withdraw monies to pay for my program fee which is $500 (the doctor won't do the surgery without me paying that first). I don't have it and my insurance company says that its just a way for the doctor's office to get some extra money because they are paying 100%. I almost cried today because of the hoops I have to jump through to get "my own money", but I held on. I have faith that God will provide. He got me this far.

Some great news is that I lost the weight that I gained previously. I was at 278 and went back down to 269. I knew what I was doing wrong and fixed it.

Ok, now I'm going back to reading Sandy Lee's post on sliming and being stuck. Ewwww makes me shutter to think, but soooo informative. Thanks Sandy Lee for the great info!!

50 Followers ....WOW!!

2010-07-15T10:19:00.000-07:00

Wow I have 50 followers. I never thought I would get to this point. I never thought one person let alone 50 people would want to read my ramblings. The ramblings of a fat girl trying to get healthy. Nevertheless, I thank you. If I'm not following you, please leave me a comment with your blog address so I can get on that.

Now I have been putting off posting pics and stuff because well... I haven't taken them yet. I have my measurements, but I haven't posted that either. I don't know what I'm waiting on. I think I'm brave enough. So hopefully that will be up soon.

As most of you know my surgery is booked for August 10th. I have read a lot of blogs and printed out advice on foods to buy, preparation and everything in between. I think I'm ready, but as I read Tessie's post today about facing those things that we anesthesialized with food, I wonder. I know of some of my problems and have thought that I dealt with them, but will weight loss show me differently. I thought I dealt with the non-existent father in my life and the abandonment and self imposed independence it caused. I thought I dealt with how my aunts and cousins treated me like a social outcast because of my skin tone (inner racism). I surely thought I dealt with the sexual abuse at the hands of my cousin and a doctor and the permiscuousness that ensued up until I was 35. And I know I dealt with the cancer that crept up last year. What more could come out that I haven't already tried to put to rest? Could it be the way I feel toward my siblings when they act as though they can't do anything and look to me for answers; when I enabled them and encouraged them to continue to come to me with their problems. Now I no longer feel like I have all the answers when they ask what to do with an out of control niece/nephew. I no longer feel like I have power when they ask me to borrow $50 to add to their already late rent. I feel like I have set myself up for this and .....ok. Maybe this will all come out when I loose weight. I hope not. I hope I have dealt with it. Put it to bed so to speak.

What I do know is that I have 50 wonderful people who are on this journey with me and that I thank you for being here.

See I told you I ramble.

BYOC - Bring Your Own Craziness

2010-07-09T08:10:00.000-07:00

BYOC everyone! 5 questions - some funny, some serious - we answer in our blogs to get to know each other better and to ease our fried brains on Fridays!

1. Love or money? High salary or job satisfaction?
Hmmmm, interesting question. I would have to say I prefer love, but I want both the high salary and job satisfaction. I don't think I can do a job well if I'm not compensated properly for it. If it's a labor of love there still have to be some perks.

2. What is your favorite time of day?
I love nighttime. Like Draz, I used to be a night owl too. Because I wanted (still want) to be in the entertainment industry (I used to have a singing group) I and my group would go to all the concerts and try to get backstage and in all the parties that would come to my city. Plus I worked at night for 10+ years before moving to dayside. Night time is just a magical time to me. The sky is dark except for the stars and the moon and like Draz when it rains, that's the best sleep on earth to me

3. Draz's in-laws just had their wills done so it made me wonder this. Do you have a will? Did you tell anyone your wish to be kept alive or not?
Yes I do. After the many surgeries I have had I finally came to the conclusion that I don't want my family trying to figure out my wishes. I have been through breast cancer, bi-lateral mastectomy as well as on going breast reconstructive surgeries and next up lap band surgery. Grief is hard enough without having to make tough decisions. I have both a living will and a regular will that advises my family of no resucitation if my quality of life thereafter will be aided by tubes and machines. I don't want to function like that (which wouldn't really be functioning at all). My family also knows that I want to be cremated. Although I don't plan on leaving this earth anytime soon, I don't want anyone stuffing me in a box and planting me 6 feet under. Let my spirit float on the wind is what I say. Plus I don't want my son trying to pick out a casket, dress and the whole nine. I've done that before and its no fun.

4. Repeat question. Pick one thing for one day you'll do next week that aids in your physical or mental health.
I totally crapped out on my goal for last week. But I will repeat what I was supposed to do then and do it this week. I WILL get in 64 oz of water everyday next week. Scout's honor (even though I wasn't a girl scout)

5. Repeat questions. Make someone a superstar for a moment...whose comment or blog stuck with you this week and why.
Stephanie and Drazil both had me mixed with emotions. I cried after reading Drazil's post about running, realizing that it just doesn't matter. No matter what I go through (sister & her babies back at home, son going off to college, lack of money, and sometimes I get tired of being poked and prodded) Draz helped me to see that I have to keep running. I have to push forward. Her post moved me so I ended up making a post although I hadn't planned on posting yesterday. Stephanie's post brought out some anger toward folk who think they are entitled with they make shitastic decisions!! I mean I rarely curse (cuss) y'all, but I almost typed a book in her comments section. The audacity!! Uggghhh!! Ok I'm not going to go there, but oh I could.

Surgery Date & Draz

2010-07-08T08:39:00.000-07:00

Dr. Woodman (my bariatric surgeon) approved my surgery for August 10th @ 7:30 in the morning. I pray that he doesn't change it. He informed me that he wanted me to loose just 3# before surgery. I know I can do that.

I gained 8lbs since the last time I was in the office in April. I have to admit I have been eating stuff that I know isn't good for me. Cake and not just one small piece, ice cream, and lets not even mention all I ate for the 4th. Nevertheless its time to get back on the wagon and drive straight. Which leads me to my next comment.....

Draz, had me in tears just a few minutes ago. I can't explain what came over me, but I just broke down. I'm talking about that take a deep breath and shutter sob type of cry. Tears just ran down my face as I typed my comment after reading her post on running. I think what hit home the most with her post is this paragraph:

The theory is – life just *is*…but it doesn’t matter….do what you have to do anyway. It really doesn’t matter if it’s raining – you can still run. It really doesn’t matter if life isn’t fair – you can still live like it is. Nothing matters enough to make me quit or to make me stop learning, growing, thriving and loving. It’s basically a way of taking every excuse for every single part of your life and saying “yah, but it doesn’t matter.” – so get up and get going.

There is so much going on in my life and I think today I just got overwhelmed. After reading Draz's post, I now know that it doesn't matter. I have to do whatever it is anyway. I am stronger because of the things I've been through and I know this.

Draz thank you for who you are and for inspiring me today.

BYO-F-C....Thats Bring Your Own Freaking Crazy....

2010-07-02T06:31:00.000-07:00

Happy Independence Day!!! I hope you all have a wonderful extended weekend!!

1. Seeing that it’s a patriotic holiday of sorts Drazil thought of this one: Where were you on September 11th?
I was at work actually here at the University of Memphis. I worked in the Disabilities office and one of the students came in and said that a plane had crashed into one of the twin towers in New York. I thought they were playing a joke and didn't believe them. Another student came in and said the same thing. I honestly thought they were trying to get out of taking their exam. I decided after about 30 mins to go to CNN and thats when I saw the smoke and carnage. I just sat there with my hand over my mouth in disbelief.

2. What is your idea of fun? If given the chance to skip work/life for an entire day, what would you do? (assume you’d be by yourself)
I would definitely sleep in. Make myself a picnic lunch and drive to the river. I would have my CD player, a blanket, sunglasses and a good book. That's provided the weather is like it is today. 70 degrees right now.

3. Suggestion from a follower. Some blog questions.
How many blogs do you follow? 60 and that list grows daily.

Do you read them all or just your faves? I read all that appear in my dashboard.

Do you comment a little, a lot, on all? I try to comment on everyone. If there is nothing for me to add I might just say a little something, but then if I can't relate, can't answer the question or they already have a zillion comments, I don't say anything.

Have you ever unfollowed someone because of something they said or you didn’t like their blog? NEVER!! I believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. You know the old saying. We all have one. If I don't agree, so what. Its their blog

Do you routinely unfollow and why? No. They only reason I would is because they weren't blogging anymore.

4. Repeat question. Pick one day and one healthy thing you’ll do for just that day next week. This Saturday I will drink 64 ounces of water.

5. Repeat "Make someone a superstar" question. Whose blog or blog comment stuck with you this week and why?
Although I believe these ladies are already SUPERSTARS Kristina touched me with her post about her heartache in sending her son off to get the help he needs. I have been in that position before with my older sister and it is something that although you know you have to do it, feeling is that you are putting them away. I pray for her strength. The other person is Amy W. Somebody else said it, but I will repeat it, Amy's blog is like a freaking TV show. Every week there is a new episode. I check everyday in hopes of a new post and when there is none, I'm sad and say "Amy where are you?" (in my best Lassie come home voice-not that I'm compairing Amy to Lassie,LOL) I can't help it I'm addicted to her blog. There are others that I would like to call, but don't want to get into the name game and forget somebody. Plus they are already superstars in my book.

Remember to think of our troops overseas. Say a prayer for them and if you don't pray, think of them as they serve and protect our country.

Playing Catch(UP) is a beeeeeeeeeeeeep!!

2010-06-30T10:51:00.000-07:00

Dang it!! I have not had time to post or anything like I wanted to. I have not had time to read other blogs like I wanted to. Shoot. BUT the good thing is that I am being productive.

My son and I drove to Nashville this past Friday with a friend and her son for college orientation. I think I might have mentioned that my son is going to college there (Tennessee State University). It was a short drive, but tiring nontheless. I am still recouperating from the cancer and subsequent treatments and surgeries and anything extra always wears me out. It was a one day orientation that started at 8 am (we left Memphis at 4 am) that involved seminars and walking around a huge campus. Now since I haven't been banded yet and haven't lost much weight, walking isn't very fun. Now add the BLAZING sun to that equation and you got swoon worthy situations just waiting to happen. I made it though. The sun zapped me, but we made it back home about half past eight that evening. I was pooped, but so excited for my son that we sat up till midnight talking about his priorites and possibilites for success. This is my only child so I got to get this right.

On the lapband front, I have my 3-4 hour meeting with the doctor this Saturday at 7 am. WTHEEEEEECKKK!! Yes I said SEVEN A.M. Dang I don't have to be at work M-F until 8. So that means I have to get up at least by 5:30 just to get ready because its a good drive from my house. Ahhh well, I'm looking forward to it as it means I am moving forward with everything. I think I may have mentioned that I am going to see if the doctor has an opening for early August to do my surgery. This will be after my son leaves for band camp. I will have saved the $500 that I need for the out-of-pocket fee and will have gotten Jon safely off to college. This way I won't have anything hindering my path from here on out.

Whew!! Ok, got more catching up to do.

Me...Beautiful Blogger Award!!

2010-06-22T08:24:00.000-07:00

And the Beautiful Blogger Award goes to.....(opening the envelope)....Pamela!! Crowd claps.

"I would like to thank the academy for this wonderful award. Especially for Ronke for nominating me even though she still is recuperating from surgery. Wow, what can I say. Thank you Ronke for such a prestigious honor."

Ok, I am to let you in on seven things you do not know about me, as well as nominate 7 other lovelies! Its hard for me to talk about about myself. Never could do it, but I will give it a whirl!!

1. I am loyal to a fault. If I call you friend, I am like a loyal dog. I'll always be there for you.

2. I have a tendency to be frank and honest with the above mentioned loyalty. If you are my friend & ask my opinion, you get it "straight, no chaser." I don't believe in sugarcoating anything. Now I do have tact, but I'm not going to butter your bread for ya.

3. I love fashion. I always say "If I had the money to dress like I really wanted to..."

4. After I make a post, I go back to it several times to re-edit, after it's been published. Its crazy because after I re-read my own post, I see errors all over the place or just stuff I want to change or add.

5. I wanted to be white as a child growing up or as light as I could get. It was bad because all of my cousin's were much lighter in skin color than I and had long hair (anybody seen "School Daze" by Spike Lee). I think I mentioned in one of Amy's posts that my aunts treated me like the "black sheep" of the family, and not because of my behavior, but because of my skin tone. When I formed a sorority in high school, I chose Chelsea for my line name. I didn't learn to appreciate my skin color until I got much, much older.

6. I took piano lessons from 3rd to 5th grade, but gave it up after my fabulous teacher relocated to another state. I hate that I stopped playing. To this day I want to take it up again and learn to play "Nadia's Theme" by Henry Mancini (Young & the Restless theme song).

7. I have imagined myself excepting awards for my films & television series'(writing, directing, producing). I lay awake at night planning my rise to stardom. Guess that's why I'm always sleepy.

On to my nominating other wonderfully beautiful bloggers in no specific order.
1. Stephanie
2. Pie
3. Joey
4. Sandy Lee
5. DrJeas
6. Cindy Lew
7. Amanda

There are plenty others (Bonnie, Draz, Bianca, Amy W., Maria, etc...) and couldn't name them all (cause they already got the award or something)here, but know that I thank you so much for your support.

When I'm a Billionaire

2010-06-21T12:34:00.000-07:00

This is my new theme song!!!

Food Stuff, Recipes & A Giveaway

2010-06-21T07:13:00.000-07:00

Happy Monday to you all!!

I'm not going to make this long today. I have a couple of post that I will put up in the coming days that may be long.

I have a question. As I read all of your blogs and prepare for my own WLS, I am interested in advice and recipes. If you can tell someone one or two things that you didn't know before or during your experience what what it be? Also is their a recipe for something that you just have to share. Be it a must eat for when you are on the mushies or just an overall great recipe for someone who has had WLS. Let me know. I am a recipe junkie. I own soooooo many cook books and I am always on the internet for more recipes. I do find though that I don't have enough when it comes to being banded.

Shelly over at www.theworldaccordingtoeggface.com (or you can just click her name) is generous enough to giveaway a fabulous Cuisinart 1-1/2-Quart Ice-20 Automatic Ice Cream Maker!! Go over to her blog, check it out and enter.

Have a wonderful day and week!!

BYOC...Bring Your Own Craziness

2010-06-18T12:09:00.000-07:00

** Carmen helped Draz with most of these questions...Draz was brain dead after shopping. Thank you Carmie!

1. If your heart had a singing voice, whose would it be?
The ever great Celine Dion. Every time she sings my heart just swells and I cry. She is phenomenal!!

2. What is your most disgusting habit?
I the most gaseous person I know (except for my son). I can blow a room up. I hate admitting that. I have so much Febreeze in my house its pitiful. I don't know what I'm going to do when I ever get a husband. He won't leave the room because of my snoring, it will be because a bomb went off in the bedroom. And I would be mortified if I farted in my sleep and he heard it. Embarrassing much.

3. Carmen and Draz were talking about Chicago and their fears...for those of you going (and those of you not you can answer as if you were going)...what is your biggest fear?
That nobody will like me or talk to me and if they did, it will be minimal or out of obligation just to make nice. I don't normally care what folk think or say about me, but for some reason I think I would be wondering if anyone would even befriend me. And just for the record....this is SOOOO not like me.

4. This isn't so much a question but a challenge. Name one thing you will do for just one day next week in the name of health and commit to it on your blog and to us.
I will not eat any fast food this pay period. I will save that money for important stuff. I get lazy sometimes and don't cook. I will challenge myself to plan ahead this week coming up (starting Sunday) and plan all my meals.

5. Whose blog or comment stuck with you the most this week?
Stephanie's post about the Biggest Loser and how unhealthy their practices were set me off. I have to admit, I just got angry. I read the blog that Stephanie got it from and just sat there saying "I knew it!!" I used to refuse to watch weight loss shows such as BL and Celebrity Fit Club because they were unrealistic. If it was that easy folk wouldn't be fat a all. Everyone would be skinny and we would be as society deems one of "The Beautiful Ones."

Also every blog I read that makes me realize that this journey is hard, but indeed possible to voyage with the help, kindness and overall honesty of the very authors that write them.

***I would like to say a big HEY to all my new followers!! If I'm not following you please, please let me know in a comment. I don't want to miss your journey.***

Pics of Me & Happy Friday!!

2010-06-18T08:50:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday everyone!! For some reason its been a long week. I have been trying to make the best of things. Wednesday I hadn't noticed it, but my co-worker asked me why I kept breathing. I didn't really know what she meant so I asked her if I was breathing hard as in labored breathing or sighing. She told me it was a sigh. She said I had did it about three times. Its funny how when things are happening around you, you don't realize what you are doing to articulate it nonverbally. I just didn't realize I was doing that. My co-worker asked if I was ok and I said yes. I just had things on my mind. Mostly money and the problems lack of it can cause. Also just thinking about the people I would help if I had a lot of it. My family, friends, random people who I didn't know.

I think about Pie and Bonnie who symphathizes with me about working a job that continuously leaves you uninspired. How I want to do what I dream of, but when you're in any city other than L.A. or New York its gonna be hard. If you could see me I'm sighing now. Its just so unconscious. I think about my job and wish that I worked for Oprah. I'm a writer and I would love to work for her magazine. I can see it now. I would write these riveting articles that would help the mission of O Mag..."To help women see every experience and challenge as an opportunity to grow and discover their best self." Yep, I pulled that straight from the mag, LOL. For what it's worth, I can't stay down long. I know I am destined for greatness and part of the challenge I spoke about above is this journey I'm on to become a more healthier me with this lapband.

Ok enough with that. My post was supposed to be just some pics (please excuse the amateurish way I posted these...trying to get the hang of this thing)I scanned of me. They are pics of me at a young age and much smaller (weight). You will see a gap in the timeline. I hated taking pics when I got bigger because I always knew that the camera added 10lbs.

My sister Renay & me as a baby

My brother, sisters & I @ the zoo. Thats me on the right with the up/down socks. Look how skinny my legs were.

Me on a hot summer day.

This is me @ Christmas. These were wonderful times.

My 6th grade school picture.

My 11th grade school picture. I laugh at this now. This was my awkward stage.

Thats me in the middle with my sisters @ the Mall of Memphis. Look how skinny I was. I think I was about 16 or 17 in this pic.

Me in the blue. This was @ my brother's wedding reception 2002. I've always thought I was pretty, but taking pictures was never my thing because of my weight. That's my mommy with the long hair. She always kept her children looking good.

I had to do a throwback of my mommy. I don't know what year this was, but she is so pretty.

Happy Hump Day!!

2010-06-16T07:09:00.000-07:00

It's Wednesday y'all!! I know some are saying...and your point. Well, we are half way done with the week. I'm trying to motivate myself. It ain't working. Do you ever have a day when you just feel like you could just go back to bed. Today is that day for me. Not to start over but to just sleep in. So many things I wish and pray for and one of them is to be rich (or financially comfortable) so that I don't have to get up at the crack of dawn to go to a job that I am not using all of my gifts and talents. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful and by no means should I complain because there are people in this country who are not employed, much less have the great benefits I have, but I do complain. Its hard to be creative person and be in a place that you literally sit and do nothing all day. Ahhh well, it is what it is.

Yesterday I had my EGD and it went well. I now have booked my 3-4 hour appointment with the doctor to discuss going foward. So I have a question for you all....

Before you were banded, did you ever feel like or think, what if I'm not successful at losing this weight even with a band?

I ask that question because I've done this diet thing so many times and now that I'm so close I'm a little scared of the what ifs. Anyway, have a great day my band buddies. Onward and forward.

Testing & BYOC

2010-06-11T08:59:00.000-07:00

I have to play catch up since I was out yesterday. I don't have computer access at home because my laptop crashed a while ago. When I do get access its only because I borrowed the office laptop and its only when I go on sick leave.

All and all the testing went well yesterday. The only thing I would complain about is the stomach ultrasound. I forgot how that kinda hurt. The lady was pushing down on my stomach with that thingy so hard. She was nice, but I was like dang lady, ease up just a bit. Next is the EGD which I'm not looking forward to, but ah well its another step toward the ultimate goal of being healthy or looking somewhat like this

Now on to BYOC.......

1. What was your first pet?

As a kid my siblings and I had two cats. A black cat named JoJo and a black & white cat named Jason. They were bad as heck and always sharpened their claws on the furniture, but we loved playing with them. We would let them outside and they would soon find their way back home after playing. One day we found JoJo dead. We suspected he had drank out of a neighborhood ditch that was full of toxic stuff. Jason later got hit by a car. We buried both in the back yard beside each other.

2. When did you lose your virginity?

When I was 20. Yep I know a long while to wait. I had heard so many stories about how it hurt to have sex for the first time so I was scared as heck. I also wanted to be in love. I lived for the fairytale love story and wanted one for myself. It was with Kenny J(*last name witheld just in case somebody here knows him). He was my first real boyfriend. I held a torch for him for 8 years after we broke up. The event was so precious to me. No pain and cuddling afterward just like I had imagined it would be. A few months later when he went back to college I found out he had another girl he was cheating with. Broke my heart in a million pieces, but I will always remember Kenny.

3 & 4 – Drazil combined these two cuz this answer could be long. A follower (thanks Steph) asked if I could ask what a daily meal plan looks like for each of you – out of curiosity and out of possibly learning new foods to try.

Hmmm that changes daily for me.

Breakfast: Oatmeal with cinnamon, stevia and made up powdered milk

Lunch: Turkey burger on wheat with 2% Cheddar cheese on Wheat with mustard & baked lays

Dinner: Grilled Tilapia with a baked potato or pasta

If I have a snack afterward its either sugar free jello or pudding

5. Repeat question: What blog or blog comment stayed with you or stuck with you the most this week and why?

I am trying to catch up, but continue to be inspired by all the blogs I read daily. It helps me to know what to expect. That it's hard, but it can be done and the proof is all the fab pics I see, like Amy W. Also Jack Sh!t for posting my W.I.D.T.H pic and linking my blog. I love that he continues to inspire people, with other people. So cool.

1st round of testing and Randomness

2010-06-09T12:43:00.000-07:00

I think I'm excited. I go for my lab testing tomorrow and will be out all day from work. Mainly because after the testing which lasts till about 1 pm, I have a plastic surgeon appointment at 2:30. I don't see any sense in going into work. The testing consists of blood draw (which I hate by the way-you would think I would be used to it), EKG and stomach ultrasound. Its getting close.

The randomness today is about one of my best friends. She got banded on May 10th. So its just been a month. She is complaining about its work and if I ever have to have it removed for some odd reason, I won't let them put it back in. WTC, she is talking about her hair is shedding and that she still has to do what a person without the band would to lose weight. WELL DUH! I told her this last year when she was considering WLS. She has low-self esteem and has been in an abusive relationship. She wants to be skinny and make her abusive baby daddy eat his heart out and possible act right. WTC again! She insists that she got banded for her health, but I know better. I told her that if she was not ready to lose weight then the band would do her no good in the long run. She knows if you have internal issues (abuse of any kind, etc...) losing weight won't solve those issues. It just frustrates me sometimes when I hear her complain about something she did to herself and now that its not working the way she wants it to she complains.

Ok that was my rant for today. Talk to you guys on Friday.

Blogger down and Al Roker

2010-06-07T13:49:00.001-07:00

Ok, I tried non-stop to post and to comment this morning and got nothing. For the times I could comment on folks blog it would give me this Blogger is down status and then I would try again (because I'm persistent that way) and it would give me the same message. Only to come back (again with the persistence) and see that I posted the same message twice on some of your blogs. I tried to delete the extra, but then it would ask me to re-sign in. WTC(What the Crap), I'm already signed in. Anywho I'm here at 3:freaking42 in the afternoon trying to read, comment and post all at the same time. Probably will be tomorrow before I get to everyone.

Did anyone see Al Roker on the Today Show this morning talking about his WLS? I missed it but caught it online (cause you know I don't do jack at work) but my mom called and reminded me and I decided to check it out. It was to say the least a sincere heartfelt account of how and why he decided to have Gastric By-pass. I have watched this man for years. I love his sense of humor and just over all way of reporting. My mom who is now on board told me that it was very interesting and touching. I think she was surprised to see that this man who is in television decided to take control of his life in this manner. My mom has now learned so much since my first talking to her about my own WLS and is not against it any longer.

Al talked about being called "Fat Albert" as a kid because his given name is Albert.
His father before dying asked him to loose weight and get healthy. It's a revealing account of a very public figure. If you didn't see it this morning. I've posted it here.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

BYOC, New Followers and Randomness

2010-06-04T13:03:00.000-07:00

1. If you could live anywhere in the world - where would it be and why?

I can't make up my mind to be honest. Because I want to work in the Film & Television industry, the easy answer would be California, but NY has a great access as well. Ok Los Angeles, California. I want to live near the beach and work on my craft and hang with the artsy folk. The only drawback to that would be the earthquakes.

2. How old were you when you got drunk for the 1st time?

I've never been drunk persay. I have been tipsy, but with my control issues, I would never allow myself to drink to the point of getting drunk (ie. losing control). I think my first time drinking though was at 20 when I broke up with my first real boyfriend Kenny because he cheated on me. It was a long distance relationship and he was away at college. I wasn't drunk just mostly sad, crying and tipsy.

3. What was your favorite toy growing up? I had two.

My easy baker oven and my pottery wheel. Among many things I wanted to be a sculptor.

4. What's your favorite season and why?

Fall is by far my favorite. The weather is just right. Not to hot and not to cold or rainy. The leaves on trees are so beautiful this time of year. Not to mention my birthday is in the Fall.

5. Repeat question....which blog or comment spoke to you or stuck with you the most this week?

I was so moved by Grace's Vlog. I was going back and reading post and playing catch-up and couldn't sit through it all. I remember feeling that way when I went through a break-up and there are no words or enough tears to express the pain. Also just reading the brave post of people who have decided to take their lives into their own hands have left an lasting impressing with me.

Thanks for following me to all the new folk. I have been adding and reading today and have found so many interesting and inspiring people here. I thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to peep into your private lives. If I have overlooked you and somehow haven't started following you yet and you are following me please let me know because I can't see a thing without my glasses (if anyone can tell me which cartoon character and/or cartoon this comes from, drinks are on me when you come to Memphis-betcha can't guess)

Ok time for some randomness:

1. Before this cancer & the double mastectomy I had 48Es and now nothing. Losing the breast are not an issue because as India Arie said I am not my hair, well I am not my breast. Anyway, I realized that since I don't have breast my stomach is mega big. Ugggh, I try to camouflage it as best I can but wow! I'm in the middle of reconstruction and at the same time schedule a lap band procedure so after a while I will have a nice new perky pair (smaller of course) and a flat(ter) stomach.

2. Words that I hate: pus, pussy, scab, dick. I was just thinking of that as I went to fill my water bottle up. Don't know why.

3. Do skinny women feet hurt when they are in cute high heels for a long time? I have on the cutest pair of red heels, but shoot my feet hurt. I guess thats the price you pay to look cute.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!

Blah Day

2010-06-03T09:00:00.000-07:00

I should feel better, but I'm just blah today. I finally got that blasted drain tube out from the minor surgery I had and I do feel a little better.

What I can't figure out is why I'm not more excited about the up coming lap band procedure. Has it worn off already? Because of the aboved mentioned surgery I had to reschedule my lab work and EGD. Lab is on the 10th of this month and the EGD is on the 15th. Then I meet with the surgeon and pay $500 and hopefully will have surgery in late July. I guess I got so much going on its hard to get excited. I mean I'm coming down off a high from my son graduating and now trying to figure out how much money its going to take to pay for everything. He has three scholarships and I get half off tuition so I'm good on that, but there are books to buy, band camp to pay for, I promised I would get him a new laptop as well as I have to pay for my procedure. I need to win the lottery.

Computer problems & Comments

2010-06-01T14:11:00.000-07:00

Its 4:12 p.m. and I am just now getting computer access at work. Oh well.

Sandy was so nice to let me know that my comment section is acting up. She can't leave any comments. Can anyone help me with this matter. I'm clueless and have done what I thought this thing told me.

You can reach me at pamelaewilliams@hotmail.com.

Thanks. I hope you all had a great Memorial Day holiday.

BYOC - Courtesy of Draz

2010-05-28T12:15:00.000-07:00

1. If you could be a flower, which one would it be and why?

I would have to say a tulip. By far my favorite flower, but I love they way the bloom starts out beautifully closed and then opens up as big as its personality. Thats me.

2. Which Sex and The City Character do you most relate to?

I think I relate most to Carrie. Her desire to be in love, her fashion sense (my mom always told me and my sibs to make up our own style.) We were poor and couldn't afford name brand clothes so we shopped often at the Goodwill. Funny how I didn't get it until I was way grown, but my son at 18 gets it now.

3. If you had a crystal ball or could know one thing about the future - what would it be?

If I would be successful and what I would be successful at. Lately I've spent a lot of time asking God if "this" is what he wanted me to do. I'm a firm believer in faith without works is dead so I work hard at my craft as well as pray, but I wonder if it is a "God idea" or just a "good idea?" There is a difference you know.

4. What's your biggest fear in your weight loss journey?

My biggest fear is losing all this weight and then gaining it back like Kirstie Alley. Will I have conquered my issues enough to keep the weight off. I know that 70% of why I'm this way is because I'm an emotional eater.

5. Repeat question: Whose blog or comment spoke to you the most this week and why?

Amanda post touched me because I understand how you can have the best time out and then all of a sudden the bottom falls out. I also understand being financially stressed. Lord do I understand.

Auggggh!!

2010-05-27T12:14:00.000-07:00

What does it really mean when we say "under the weather?" Aren't we all under weather. Ok, I'm being goofy. I got to make myself feel better some how.

I caught something from my son's graduation. With 6000+ folk in one room somebody was bound to breathe on me, yuck!! I'm stuffy, coughing and my throat just started feeling better. The worse part is that my plastic surgeon saw fit to do minor surgery on me this past Tuesday and put in a freaking drain tube. As you you may know I'm going through reconstruction for new breasts. It seems I had some type of cyst and he decided to cut it out. Not only do I have to put off my lab work (now June 10th) and EGD(June 15th), but I also have to put off my physical therapy as well. Oh well. Life must go on.

I just want to say thank you so much to my 18 followers. I am working to make sure I follow all of your blogs as well and please, please recommend banders to my blog. Thanks.

Draz's BYOC from Friday

2010-05-24T13:22:00.001-07:00

Just getting the hang of this thing, but I will catch up eventually. Y'all bear with me.

1. If you had 3 wishes what would they be and why? (you can't wish for more wishes or money)

The first one would be that my family be taken care of and not have to worry about bills. It's hard to watch your love ones suffer and not be able to help them when rent and utilities are due. It's like you work and work, but you can no longer rob Peter to pay Paul cause there are others that got their hand stuck out. Second wish would be a cure for cancer. After battling this nasty disease myself, I know I have to fight to find a cure some how some way. Thirdly for some peace in this world. There are wars, rumors of wars and everybody fighting each other right here in the states. Its sad, when everytime I turn on the news there are at least 3 murders 24 hours from the last time I turned on the news.

2. If you had all the money in the world and perfect circumstances - how many children would you have and what sex?

Naw, I'm good. I have a son and it was wonderful raising him, but I'm done. Money doesn't take away the hard work you put into raising children. You agonize over them every minute of their lives. I'm good.

3. Have you ever faked it? (Because I need to laugh...feel free to skip this one if it's too personal.)

Sadly, yes. This was before I got the balls to tell the guy to get up because he wasn't doing it.

4. What movie character do you think you look like?

I don't think I look like anyone in the movies. In fact I'm sure I don't. Back in the day I used to think I looked like "Tootie" (Kim Fields) from the "Facts of Life." It wasn't that I actually did, I just wanted to. Don't ask me why.

5. Repeat question. Which blog or comment spoke to you or stuck with you this week and why?

Draz's post on depression. I couldn't finish it because I'm at work and the tears started to flow. Depression is such a horrible sickness.

Eeeeek!!!

2010-05-24T08:27:00.000-07:00

Its coming like a freight train barreling down late for a stop. What you may ask... my surgery. Oh my goodness. I sit here with butterflies in my stomach even as I contemplate the future. What will it be like to not be over 250lbs? I'm trying, I really am trying to see it but its hazy. I don't have a clear picture just yet.

The reason I say it's coming is because my lab work will be done this Thursday, you know drawing blood, EKG and stomach ultrasound.

The EGD is scheduled for June 8th. Thats right around the corner. I get more and more nervous as I type this. I looked up what an EGD is and found what you see above. For those of you that have been banded can you tell me if this will hurt when I wake up? What should I expect?

As Is The Days of Our Lives

2010-05-24T06:59:00.000-07:00

I remember I used to watch that soap opera when I worked at night. I would come home from FedEx shower, eat, play with my son or send him to school and then post up to watch Days of Our Lives. I could never figure out how folk could have so much drama. I was up when they were up and down when they were down. I would scream at the TV when stuff got scandalous and cry at births or otherwise overcoming of adversity.

I said that because a lot of times my life tended to have enough drama to warrant its very own soap opera. Just the weekend alone I threatened to taser my son's father if he showed up at my son's graduation (see I told you drama). Nevertheless my son graduated without seeing his momma go to jail and I got to see my one and only baby boy walk across the stage to accept his diploma. After much hard work, no father in his life, lack of money most of the time, and watching his momma go through cancer, he persevered. I told him last Sunday that I was so proud of him and he said "Momma, I'm proud of you. Even though you have been through all of this you still managed to push me and get me here."

I salute Jonathan L. Ingram....TSU Bound (my baby got 3 scholarships....YAY!!)

Hello? Hello...Is this thing on? Testing 1, 2, 3

2010-05-20T12:57:00.000-07:00

Well Hello There!! Amy and Christy talked me into this so don’t blame me if the randomness that is me makes your brain do strange things.

I just wanted to introduce myself to the world of lap band or to the few people who will follow me. It’s not much, but I will try not to bore you with my flights of fantasy, stories of the past and just over all cartoonish behavior. Just to let you know I’m a silly character. I can be funny sometimes and then other times (most times) people just scratch their heads. I try to act like I’m smart. In reality I think I’m the only one who thinks that. Well maybe my son and my mom, but hey they have to.

Ok let’s get serious just for a minute.

I haven’t always been fat, but I have always thought I was fat. I look back at pictures of myself and my siblings and wonder to myself, where did I go wrong. I looked like those kids on TV. You know the ones they show early on Sunday morning that are starving and the announcer says “if you will just give 35¢ a day you can feed a child for a week.” I think I needed that 35¢ back then because I look like I was starving. So where did I get the idea I was fat?…In middle school.

I was nicknamed “Budweiser” in the 8th grade. Why such a name for an impressionable teenager on the brink of womanhood? Because I had what some call a pouch, a pot belly, but what my gym coach called a beer belly. I was a 13 year old skinny kid with little legs, knock-knees, and breast, so you can guess that my body had become an issue. For the first semester of the 8th grade at Graceland Junior High, I was always called P.W., my initials. The second semester came and my nickname changed. The students had to dress in shorts and a tee shirt for gym class, the standard school uniform with the school name on the front. We were not allowed to wear our gym shirts outside of our shorts, but some of us girls tried to get away with it anyway. The coach ordered us to tuck our shirts in almost every day. We gossiped amongst ourselves that it was because he wanted to see our little developing butts. We were soon threatened with a paddling if we came out again not properly dressed. Now each student was given the opportunity to lead the class in the daily exercises and my day came. I walked up front slowly. Speaking in front of an audience always struck fear in my heart and that day was no exception. I positioned myself and attempted to call the first exercise when Coach J walked up front and called everyone’s attention to me. He stood behind me and said, “Oh look at P.W.’s little beer gut.” He proceeded to pat my little belly and announced that my new nickname was “Budweiser”. He continued to tell the class that it looked like I had been drinking beer, which was evident by my “beer gut”. Mortified, I stood stock-still. Now I must mention that in that class was a cheerleader or two and a couple of majorettes, girls whom I at that time considered to have the perfect bodies and perfect boyfriends. Also in that class was Bobby Ford. Bobby was probably the prettiest chocolate boy in the 8th grade. He played drums for the band and the majorettes (anyone that has attended an inner-city public school knows about the drummers and majorettes), and I was totally in love with him, although he never knew it. As I stood there in shock, I was snapped out of my reverie by the gym coach as he told me to proceed with the class exercises.

A couple of weeks passed and I soon forgot my embarrassment, but the scar of that day would stay with me. I didn’t have to worry about my classmates, but to Coach J, I was “Budweiser”. I took gym class from this same person in the ninth grade and yet my name remained “Budweiser”. I didn’t realize it then, but that set the stage for me to obsess over my body.

Lets skip to high school shall we.

I idolized Janet Jackson. I wanted to marry Michael and I wanted to be Janet. Weird now that I think about it. I have what I call “almost killed myself slowly” with diet after diet. Not to mention every exercise craze. Y’all remember the “20 minute workout” that used to come on TV? I would lose then gain and do it all over again. I have done almost every diet known to man from the Cabbage Diet and Fen-Phen. I have had my gallbladder removed, a full hysterectomy, and just recently beat breast cancer.

So now I’m here. After extensive research and being against WLS I realized that if I didn’t lose this weight the cancer that I formerly beat has a 50-70% chance of coming back possibly in my colon. If I lose the weight those statistics drop to 15-30%. I’ll take that for $200 Alex. Anyway, I’m here and I have been approved for the lap band by my insurance company. I’m excited and a little scared all at the same time. I’ve heard the war stories from those of you in battle right now….”getting stuck”, “bandster hell”, the dreaded “weight plateau”; all with anticipation. I hope you guys can help me along. I’ve done so much research and I know, I won’t know until I go through it, but any advice would be helpful.

Please and thank you.

The Life of the Band

Yay Me!!

Back to Basics day 2

EatSmart & weigh in with their scales!!

A little pain and Pouch Test?

Hey out there!! Back to Basics!!

The Skinny on my new BOOBIES

Musings in bullet form

Focus or not to Focus

Blogger acting up

A little down

NSV!!

Checking In

Another Lbee gone! & I forgot my freaking LUNCH!!

Low Carb - Mock Potato Soup Recipe

Yay Me!!

I'm doing it! I'm doing it!!

Copying Amy W.

Snatching My Sexy Back!!

Body Changes

A post just for me

Angry Face!!

Quick Post

BYOC - Getting back to Blogging

All is Well

Weird Shoulder Pain

Weight Loss Tips and running around....WHOOOO-HOOOOOO IT'S FRIDAY

MERRRRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

WOW.....Really.....Seriously??

frickanfrackanfrickfrackan!!!!!! Can someone help me find an old post????

230s!!

It's Working - NSVs

My first 5K!!

Heeeey!!!

Birthday Bliss

A ...GAIN!!

40's BABY!! and I got a question

80s BABY!!!!

Hugging my BOOBS & A Song for You

Lady Lap Band is giving away something cool

Weight Loss, Jealousy & Going back to school

B.O.O.B.s Questionaire

1st Fill - Eazy Peazzy & Thank you Grace!!

Bandster HEEEEEELLLLLL!!!

With a Cherry on Top!!

A re-post from a Successful Bander

New Clothes & WL!!

Bruno Mars

I WHIP MY HAIR!!

Fair Food & a little of I Wish Wednesday!

Sharing!!

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!!

A HUGE Thank You!!!

Work out clothes

Happy Friday!! Ramblings of a 4th grader...I mean 41 year old.

CONSTIPATION!!! Seriously???

Who Knew

A Stupid question or two

Giveaway Alert!!

Doing Good and a little Rant

GO CHICA GO!!!!!!!

On to MUSHIES!!

My Lap Band Surgery Experience

I'm BAAAAAAACCCCCCKKKK!!!

Tomorrow is the day!!!!!

Me Versatile...I'm a one trick pony!!

Protein Review

BYOC

My Fat Girl Bucket List

WOW @ Drew Carey

HAPPY DANCE!!!

Catching up

50 Followers ....WOW!!

BYOC - Bring Your Own Craziness

Surgery Date & Draz

BYO-F-C....Thats Bring Your Own *Freaking* Crazy....

Playing Catch(UP) is a beeeeeeeeeeeeep!!

Me...Beautiful Blogger Award!!

When I'm a Billionaire

Food Stuff, Recipes & A Giveaway

BYO-F-C....Thats Bring Your Own Freaking Crazy....